Healing
by Lucius Malloy
Summary: Seventh year. Lily starts considering the Marauders her friends, and she and James get closer and closer.   The unthinkable happens.  Rated T for safety. Slight A/U.
1. Chapter 1

**_'Kay, guys, listen up: this is dedicated to a friend of mine, known across the interwebs as _mooimafish17_ (since she is neither a fish or a cow), because today is her 18__th__ birthday :) so happy birthday, moo!_**

_Chapter One_

Lily knew that her seventh and final year at Hogwarts was going to be the hardest yet. Not only was she just getting over the death of her parents in early March, but she had the N.E.W.T's coming up – and to add to all the stress of it, she had been chosen as Head Girl. She had tried to decline the position, politely of course, but Professor Dumbledore would hear nothing of it. The phrase he used in his last letter still made her smile when she thought of it: "There is no other girl in the seventh year that I would entrust this position to, due to certain special circumstances that have arisen this year." She suspected that his words were mere poppycock, meant to make her accept the position, but at least they worked.

However, she still didn't know who Head Boy was – she'd have to find out on the train, in the Prefects compartment, where the new Heads customarily gave a speech to all Prefects, old and new. She hoped it was Remus Lupin, fellow seventh-year Gryffindor – because prejudices aside, she didn't want a Slytherin Head Boy, God only knows what kind of havoc he would wreak upon the school – and the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw seventh-year Prefects were all too... mundane, one might say. None of them had the authority and presence people tended to associate with Head Boys.

Lily sighed and looked down at her packing. The contents of her trunk, which she had never really unpacked before, lay on the other bed in her room and the Leaky Cauldron. After their parents had died, her sister Petunia had moved in with her fiancé, Vernon Dursley, and they had made it clear to Lily that she was not welcome to their now-marital home in Surrey. She didn't mind – that Vernon was, if possible, less pleasant than all of the Slytherins at Hogwarts put together. So when term had ended, she'd gathered her school things and the meagre belongings Tuney had sent her from their childhood home (really, nobody noticed the Undetectable Extension Charm she put on her trunk – they didn't call them undetectable for nothing) and gone to the Leaky Cauldron for the summer. Now it was all spread on her bed, and she was getting rid of stuff mercilessly. Anything she didn't need for her last year at Hogwarts or specifically want to keep was being tossed – because what could she do with them? Rent out a storage unit in London? The long stay at the Leaky Cauldron was already draining her money fast, and she still needed to buy her school books. No, everything useless would be tossed.

–––––––

The whistle sounded, warning the hordes of students and parents crowded on the platform that the Hogwarts Express would be leaving in three minutes. To Lily, however, it didn't mean anything. She had been sitting in the Prefects compartment for ten minutes now, staring out of the window at the fond farewells but not really seeing anything. The door had opened and shut a couple of times, but Lily hadn't lifted her face to meet the Prefects who entered and they had left her alone. She kept her eyes trained on the window, hoping her solitude would continue, until the train started moving, and the Head Boy finally stepped in.

Or at least, she thought it was Head Boy – since all the Prefects were already in the compartment – until she looked up, right into the glinting hazel eyes of...

"Potter. What are you doing here? Did the Head Boy send you with a message, or...?" She looked back at the window – his eyes were too distracting.

"Why yes, Evans, yes he did. His message being 'Hi, I'm head boy, mind calling me James now?'"

"You? Head Boy? Yeah, right. That's a good one... now, really. Who is it?"

"Me. I told you."

"Potter, grow up. Who'd make you Head Boy?"

"Beats me... but come on, Evans. You and I both know I'm telling the truth."

When Lily finally returned her gaze to Potter's, his expression held enough seriousness for her to believe that, maybe, he was right – but she couldn't imagine who, in their right mind, would award Potter of all people the position of Head Boy. "Oh, I get it now. You're the 'special circumstances' that have arisen this year," she said with a smirk, as the realization formed in her mind.

"Beg pardon, Evans... Did you just call me special?"

"Did I – what? Wait, no. I said that you're... forget it." Lily sighed heavily at the grin on Potter's face. Was he really that dim? And here she had thought that he generally intelligent... well, you learn something every day.

"Come on, Potter, we need to give the 'Welcome, new Prefects' speech."

Potter stayed where he was with a panicked look on his face, until Lily grabbed his arm and physically dragged him to the front of the compartment.

"Hey, guys? Could I have your attention, please? Guys?" Lily tried to get the twenty or so Prefects in the compartment to shut up, but the rattle of the train seemed particularly loud at that moment and the teenagers just kept on exchanging summer news.

"_OI_!" Potter yelled suddenly. Everyone shut up at once, and Lily looked at him, impressed. "I'm Quidditch captain, remember?" he whispered. "All right, now that you've finally managed to shut your gobs for a minute –"

"Potter!" came Lily's outraged snap. "Ignore him, he's still new to the concept of being civil. Anyway, I'd like to welcome back all of you old Prefects, and congratulations to those who made it this year. I'm Lily Evans, your Head Girl, and this idiot is, unfortunately, Head Boy."

"And this idiot does, fortunately, have a name. I'm James Potter, pleased to meet you all," he says, with the charming smile he seemed to be able to turn on at will.

Wait, did she just call his smile charming? Lily shook her head quickly and turned her attention back to the Prefects, but not before Potter could catch the slight confusion on her face. "So, as you all probably know, the Prefects' first job of the year is patrolling the train in pairs. I've divided it into roughly four sections, so each house patrols one – take shifts of around an hour or so each. You're allowed to dock points, but do so sparingly, because abusing your privileges _will_ get your badge taken away – this is a fact."

The Prefects nodded and looked at her expectantly, and the fact that twenty-four Prefects and one Head Boy were all looking to her for further instruction left her speechless, for probably the first time since she'd come to Hogwarts.

"Right, well... that's it, I suppose. Have a nice journey, off you go!"

They dispersed – all except Potter, that is. Potter wouldn't go anywhere, if it gave him a chance to be alone with Lily. She sighed, waiting for the inevitable...

"Look, Evans, I'm sorry about how I've behaved these last, um, six years. But nevertheless – wouldn't want to break tradition now, would we? – could you maybe think about going to Hogsmeade with me sometime this year?"

_Whoa, new developments... does Potter actually sound nervous? _Lily cleared her throat and looked him in the eye.

"Look, Potter. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I have absolutely no desire to become yet _another_ notch on your bedpost. So thanks, but no thanks." And with that, she turned on her heel and left the compartment, unwittingly tossing her hair over her shoulder in a manner that made Potter slightly weak at the knees.

**Right. I suppose that after reading countless other FFs, you know the drill: please review? I would truly like to know what you think :)**


	2. Chapter 2

_Sorry, guys... It's been ages :/ I meant to update last week, I swear I did, but... stuff happened. You know, like school. And life. And work experience. And writer's block. And camp. But it's here now :)_

**_28/12/11 EDIT: if you get an alert for this chapter, it's only cause I fixed some typos and stuff... I'm sorry if anyone thought it was chapter 17, but I promise I'm working on that now :)_**

_Chapter Two_

James flopped down next to Sirius with a sigh. "For Merlin's sake, how does she do it?"

After six years, the Marauders knew not to interrupt when James started going on and on (and _on_) about Lily. "I mean, I didn't think it was possible for her to be more attractive than she was last year – remember last year?" The Marauders nodded. "Yeah, well, Merlin knows it's about twice that now. I mean, she's just kind of grown into herself a little, yeah? And – and – I could go on all day –"

"Please don't, mate," Sirius said, effectively stopping James' rant. The not interrupting thing was good for a while or so, but not forever – the Marauders' ears couldn't take it.

"But – oh, fine. Anything interesting happen while I was up front?"

"Nothing interesting. So Evans is Head Girl, then?"

"Yeah... wait, I didn't tell you, did I?"

"Nah, Wormtail here did a little scouting around."

"A little scouting – Padfoot! Tell me you didn't actually have Wormtail change here? You could have been seen, for Merlin's sake!"

"Relax, Prongs. The door has blinds."

"I know, I know. But don't you think it's a little early for someone to have lost their rat?"

"Nope," Sirius replied cheerily. "Come on, Prongs, the window has a blind. I swear, no one saw anything."

"Except for Wormtail – I reckon he had a fair view up some skirts," Remus chipped in.

"Yeah, well..." predictably, Peter blushed to the roots of his hair.

"First-years, follow Hagrid! Is that all the first-years? Excellent." James pointed Hagrid out to the last of the young students and headed towards the carriages. "Evans, you coming? It's the last carriage."

"Hmm? Yeah, just a second."

James watched Lily take a last look at the platform, checking, it seemed, for stragglers. Evidently there were none, though, since she nodded to herself and hurried over to the carriages. She looked distastefully at the single remaining seat, between James and Sirius, but sat down as a slight drizzle began to fall from the skies.

Suddenly, James let out a whoop. "Come on, guys, it's our last first glimpse of the castle!" At this remark, even Peter abandoned his omnipresent food and craned his neck to see.

"I see it!" Sirius was the first to yell after a short time, and the rest of the Marauders started jostling each other around the small space in order to see it for themselves. James heard Lily stifle a laugh at their immature behaviour, but ignored it. This was, after all, their last first glimpse. Merlin knew he was going to miss Hogwarts after graduation, so he and the Marauders had planned on making the most out of their final year – but this was before he found out he was Head Boy. Before he'd seen Lily again.

–––––

When the Sorting was over, Dumbledore stood up as if to say something, but sat back down when he saw the hungry faces looking up at him. "Oh, go on then. Tuck in!"  
The announcement was greeted with cheers as food starts appearing on the tables. The Marauders all reached out to fill their plates, terrified that there wouldn't be enough, and James heard Lily laugh. Wait for it, wait for it...  
"Guys, the kitchens aren't gonna run out of food, you know. It's okay to breathe."  
"Breathe? Evans, are you mad? We haven't had Hogwarts food in ages!" James stifled a laugh at Sirius' response. Trust Padfoot to be offended at the mere prospect of breathing. James glanced once more at Lily's incredulous expression and returned his attention to the food in front of him.

Dumbledore stood up again as the noise level rose in a manner that indicated that the eating part of the feast was over. The older students quieted immediately, a reaction that had been ingrained in their spines – when Dumbledore stands up, _everything_ else, including noise, goes down_._ He reminded everyone of the usual things – the Forbidden Forest is, indeed, forbidden, as is magic in the corridors (James got the feeling the Headmaster was looking directly at him and the other Marauders as he said this).

"Finally, Prefects, please escort your students to the dormitories – I trust you have already received the passwords from your Heads of House. Oh, and if the Head Students would please remain here, I would like to speak to you for a moment. Come on, off you trot!"

James shot a glance at Lily – when had the Head Students last been held back? He couldn't remember it happening last year, or the year before that. Maybe... maybe Dumbledore had realised his mistake and was going to take his badge away. No, that couldn't happen. Could it? Together, they walked up the faculty table at the top of the Great Hall.

"Ah, Miss Evans, Mr Potter. How has the year begun for you? No problems on the train, I hope?" Lily mumbled something in response. "Excellent. Now, I'm sure you're wondering why I wanted to speak to you, am I right? Well. My fellow teachers and I have decided to try something new this year: Heads' Dorms. In order to ensure a close bond between the two of you, you shall be sharing a Common Room, with your private rooms attached. The entrance is located behind the portrait of Uric the Oddball, on the fourth floor – Mr Potter, I trust you know where it is. You may set the password yourselves. That is all, you may go now." James turned to look at Lily, preparing himself for the look on her face, but no amount of preparing could have, well, prepared him for the absolute horror on her face as she met his gaze.

–––––––

"Padfoot, she hates me! I'm sure of it. You should have seen the look on her face when Dumbledore said we'd be living together." It was the evening of the next day, after their first classes – cue the "This year is NEWT year, yadda yadda yadda" -speech – and James was pacing about his old dorm, with the Marauders looking on in pity and, in Sirius' case, slight disgust.

"Look, Prongs, we've been through this. If Evans hates you, it is absolutely and completely _your fault._ She thinks you're a big-headed prat, and frankly, what have you ever done to convince her differently?" While Remus and Peter gaped at Sirius' apparent wisdom, James appeared to be thinking hard – and coming up with nothing.

"My point exactly," Sirius smirked, and flopped back down on his pillow.

"So what am I going to do? It's my last year, my last chance to win her over!"

"Jeez, Prongs, you're beginning to sound more and more like a girl. Get over it already!"

James stopped his pacing long enough to throw a pillow at Remus and stare at him in horror. "Get... over Lily? What are you, mad?"

"And, speaking of Evans, shouldn't you be meeting her to go see McGonagall right about now?" James looked at his watch in horror.

"Right, thanks Wormtail, gotta go!" with that, he ran down the steps and out of the portrait hole.

Lily stood in front of the door leading to Professor McGonagall's office, looking at her watch and sighing impatiently. She'd told Potter to meet her here at five to eight, but obviously he hadn't heard her... no, wait, there he was. Lily was not at all surprised at the fact that it was now almost five past eight, but with Potter, you take what you can get. She had learned that a long time ago.

"Sorry I'm late," he said, appearing to breathe normally, though he had to have run the entire way from the Gryffindor common room (since that's where he'd undoubtedly been, gossiping with the Marauders. Honestly, they're worse than girls!) to McGonagall's office, three floors below. _Although_, Lily thought, _he is Quidditch captain. Bet he has a nice six-pack under those robes, too... Stop! Lily, stop it – you're beginning to sound like a founding member of the James Potter Appreciation Society. Pull yourself together._

"So, Potter, I see you finally decided to arrive" is what she said instead, keeping her eyes firmly on his face in case the speculated six-pack showed through his white shirt.

"Sorry, Evans... I was talking to the guys."

"Do I want to know what about?"

"No, I don't think you do, actually."

"Which is exactly why I'm not going to ask. Come on, Potter, we're late."

"Look, Evans. We're seventh-years now, can't you just call me James?"

"And why would I want to do that?"

"Um, well, it's my name?"

Lily thought for a second, though she had actually made her decision as soon as Pott– James had asked. It was truly immature to go around calling people by their last names, but she hadn't wanted to randomly start calling James by his actual name, in case people thought there was... something going on between them. Because there wasn't. Right?

"Fine, as long as you call me Lily," she finally replied, and saw Pott– James' face break into a grin.

"You know, I never thought I'd see the day when I'm on actual first-name terms with Lily Evans," he said.

"Watch it, I might take it back, _James_," was all Lily said before she turned and knocked on McGonagall's door.

"Come in," came the professor's voice, and Lily pushed the door open. "Sorry we're late, Professor, but James here doesn't seem to own a watch."

"Oh, it's quite all right, Miss Evans – I imagine Mr Potter was catching up with his friends."

"Because Merlin knows he doesn't do that enough already," Lily muttered under her breath.

"What was that?" McGonagall asked, and Lily turned scarlet.

"Nothing, Professor." She saw Pott– James smirk out of the corner of her eye but ignored it, turning her attention solely to Professor McGonagall.

"Very well. Now, I'm sure you both know what your Head Duties, having watched the previous Heads go about theirs–"

"Uh, sorry to interrupt, Professor, but I really don't. I wasn't a Prefect, and..."

"Oh, that is true. Well, it is simple, really – you must patrol the corridors every night for an hour after curfew, which means nine to ten on weekdays and eleven on midnights, as I'm sure you know, Mr Potter. You will also be in charge of the Prefects, make sure to meet with them regularly. In addition, you two are responsible for planning Hogsmeade visits, and you may organize an event of your choice if you so wish – I believe last year it was a Yule Ball. That should be all, as long as you remember to be good examples to all students and generally help people when needed.

"Lastly, if you cannot keep up with your academic career and extra-curricular activities along with your Head Duties, I'm afraid we'll have to, ahem, relieve you of your duties."

"Is that all?" Lily asked with a smile. "Last year, it seemed like the Heads were everywhere at once!"

"Yes, I believe that is it – no, wait, one more thing. Considering the dark times we are living in, the Headmaster has asked me to inform you that should the school fall under attack, you two will be in charge of getting all students to their common rooms – then you will leave the Prefects in charge, and join the teachers in defending the school. Two extra wands are never enough, and we believe the both of you are more than capable."

"I... um..." Lily couldn't find the words to speak; she'd known that the situation was getting worse, but so bad that the Head Students had to be prepared to fight off Death Eaters at a moments notice?

"Certainly, Professor. You can count on us." Luckily for Lily, James seemed to be unfazed by the news.

"Very well. Run along now – you have nearly an hour before your first patrol, so I suggest you get started on your homework." With that, Professor McGonagall turned back to her papers in a manner that clearly insinuated their dismissal.

James followed a subdued Lily back to the Head's Common Room, concentrating on not stepping on her heels, until she finally broke their silence at the portrait of Uric the Oddball.

"_Carpe diem_." It was their chosen password – now, in their last year at Hogwarts, they needed to seize the day more than ever.

He watched as she flopped on to the black leather couch (yes, Hogwarts evidently cared for it's Head Students' well-being) with a sigh. "Potter..."

"James," he corrected her. "You promised you'd call me James."

"Ah, right. Well, James... Do you think there's going to be a war?" This scared girl was not the same Lily he knew and... loved.

"You're scared," he said; it was more of a statement than a question.

"You sound surprised." She lifted her face to meet his gaze. Her fear, uncharacteristic as it was, was clear on her face.

"I am," he admitted. "Lily Evans, afraid? Never thought I'd see the day."

"I know, right?" she said, with a smile trying and failing to find purchase on her lips. "It's just, the concept of war never really hit me before, but now with my parents... dead, and McGonagall telling us to be ready to defend the school... it's just all come crashing down on me." She held his gaze for a minute or so, but all too soon she got off the sofa and walked over to her bag, getting ready to start homework for the night. James felt a strong protective urge rise inside him, and regardless of the fact she couldn't hear him, said "I won't let anything happen to you."

_So, there it is :) I'm sorry it's kinda pathetically short even after two weeks, but this wise man once said you should take what you can get :D_

_Review please? Even if I don't necessarily deserve it? _


	3. Chapter 3

_Hey guys :) Major thanks to everyone who's reviewed, followed and/or favourited: you have no idea how awesome it is to wake up (time zones, time zones...) to an email or three from . Well, maybe you do. But that's not the point._

_Chapter Three_

All throughout their patrol, it was all James could do to keep his attention (and eyes) on the task at hand. He was still going over the hour before patrol in his head, trying to make sense of it. Lily Evans, always the stoic one, afraid? It was hard to get his head around. Lily had always been the one to keep her head in the most panic-worthy of situations – like the time she found out that Remus is a werewolf.

_It had been a particularly difficult full moon, the last one of their sixth year at Hogwarts. Wolf-Remus had been more vicious than usual and both James and Sirius were sporting various wounds in different stages of blood clotting. They were trying – in vain – to restrain him before he did any more damage to himself, the Shrieking Shack or them, when finally dawn began to break and Remus began the difficult transformation back to his human self. James and Sirius settled down to watch, slightly wary. Sometimes, the aggression didn't quite fade away with the breaking of a new day, and even in his human form Remus would struggle against them, biting and scratching even in his weakened state. So far, tonight had had all the signs of one of those times._

_Fifteen minutes later, Remus lay in a trembling heap on the ground, human again but not really looking it. Or acting it – sure enough, as soon as James and Sirius, also in their human forms, got close enough, he began to snarl in a threatening manner._

"_Relax, mate, it's just us. Moony? It's just us. Prongs and Padfoot."_

_Snarl._

"_Come on, mate we gotta go. Gotta get you up to the hospital wing." Sirius jumped in. They were sort of circling around Remus, trying to get closer without making him threatened enough to attack – it had been known to happen. James signalled to Sirius, and wordlessly counted to three; on the third they pounced, restraining Remus as best they could, and still he struggled. James raised his eyebrows at Sirius, and he nodded: tonight was an extreme case. Sirius dug out his wand and whispered, "_Stupefy_!" _

_James hated having to Stun Remus, but some nights it was a necessity. There was no way they were going to get him up to the hospital wing with him struggling like that... but Madam Pomfrey was probably going to kill them._

_They made their slow way to the base of the Whomping Willow, and James reached out his had to press the tiny knob that froze the branches. Usually that was Peter's job, Peter in his tiny rat form... but Peter wasn't around, they hadn't seen him for days. James hoped he hadn't gotten himself into trouble, but he had more important issues at hand. This was always the hardest part, getting an often unconscious Remus through the hole at the base of the tree and into Hogwarts grounds. This time, however, something was different..._

_Lily Evans was standing next to the entrance of the tunnel, waiting with a stretcher and two bottles of water._

"_I thought you might need these," she said simply when she saw James' dumbfounded expression. "Come on, let's get Remus up to the hospital wing, you can stutter out your questions later." She handed the water to the boys and helped them out of the hole before turning to Remus and heaving him out with surprising strength. "Guys, honestly. What's up? Do I look funny? Is something wrong?" _

_Silence._

"_All right, then, why don't you help me with this battered werewolf? He needs medical attention, you know. As do you," she added, eyeing the boys' cuts and bruises disapprovingly, and turning her attention back to Remus, now lying on the ground. The boys watched with open amazement as she sighed and levitated him onto the stretcher – apparently her strength wasn't limitless. With a last look over her shoulder, she started to guide the stretcher up to the castle, trusting the boys to follow her._

_Finally, James' brain began to work again. "Hey! Evans! Evans, wait up!" _

_Exasperated sigh. "What now, Potter?"_

"_You can't just go barging into the castle like that. People will see –"_

"_Honestly, Potter, here I thought you were smart. It's the crack of dawn, for Merlin's sake! And anyway, I cloaked us. You two are the only people who can see me or this stretcher."_

"_Huh. Guess you're more than just a pretty face, Evans, yeah?"_

_Sirius walked up behind me. "Prongs, mate, if you haven't figured that out yet... you're screwed." Evans just looked amused. _

"_Guys? The hospital wing?"_

"_Oh, right. Lead the way, fair lady!" James said with a mock bow, earning him another, equally exasperated sigh._

He smiled as he remembered the day.

"Knut for your thoughts?" Lily asked.

"Huh? Oh, I was just remembering the time you found out about Moony's... condition."

"Oh, you mean the time you guys were so dumbstruck someone had figured out your great secret that I had to drag poor Remus up to the hospital wing all by myself?"

"Yeah, that would be the one."

"But did you honestly think no one would ever figure it out?"

"Um... yes?"

Lily laughed. "Well, you're lucky not everybody is as smart as me, then."

"That we are. But hey. You never did tell us – what tipped you off?"

"You mean apart from the fact that a) there's only so many times you can visit your sick insert relative here at full moon, b) few normal humans are afraid of full moons and c) you call him Moony?"

"... right. So you just, what, followed us one beautiful full moon?"

"No, silly. It's not like I'd put myself in the line of fire – I watched from the window until I saw a wolf, a stag and a dog disappear through the hole at the base of the Whomping Willow." When she mentioned the stag and the dog, James' expression froze noticably. Lily continued in an innocent tone, "Does Dumbledore know, by the way? That you two – and probably Peter too – are illegal Animagi?"

"About that... do you think you could, maybe, not tell him?"

"Who do you think I am, _Severus_?" James noted the obvious distaste with which she said the name of her former best friend and smiled to himself. He almost missed Lily continuing her sentence. "I'm not going to run to Dumbledore. Anyway, that's pretty impressive magic, turning yourself into an Animagus. How in the world did Peter manage?"

"He nearly didn't," James said with a laugh. "The first time he changed, he nearly became a rat forever."

"McGonagall would probably have been proud," she said, with just the tiniest hint of sarcasm. "But. My silence has one condition: you'll let me come with you on full moons." All the humour was now gone from her expression.

"Lily, did you not listen in third-year Defence Against the Dark Arts? Werewolves are vicious during the full moon. They don't differentiate between friend and foe. Remus would tear you limb from limb."

"But that's just the thing: from what I've seen, you guys get pretty torn up too. So what I'm proposing is this: You let me wait for you outside the passage, so in case you need back-up, someone knows where you are. So that if... if you don't come back at dawn, there'll be someone to alert Dumbledore."

"Look, Lily, I'm touched that you'd do that for us... but it's too dangerous. What if we can't keep him in the Shack?"

"James, your concern is appreciated and all, but have you ever seen me Stun anyone? Not to toot my own horn or anything."

"Come to think of it... no, I haven't."

"Well, let's just say you don't want me to demonstrate it on you." She looked him square in the eye. "So. Deal or no deal?"

"I'm going to have to talk it over with Sirius – and Remus is going to be extremely against this idea – but I say deal."

"It better be."

–––––––

James had been right: Sirius was against the idea because Lily was a girl, and specifically James' all-time dream girl, which was bound to equal distraction, and Remus because he didn't want to risk harming another person. Peter was not present, which was honestly not that surprising – they were seeing less and less of him that year.

"Guys, honestly. I don't know about you, but I'd feel better knowing there was someone that had our back – and Padfoot, before you start, it's _not_ just because it's Lily."

"Really?"

"Yes! Really. And besides, she said she'd go to Dumbledore if we didn't let her."

"She said that?" Remus asked, his unwillingness clear in his expression.

"Well... not exactly. Not in those words. But it was very clearly implied."

"As in...?"

"As in, 'My silence has one condition.'"

"Oh. So we pretty much have no choice?"

"I would say so."

"Fine. But that doesn't mean I like it. What if she's seen?"

"She won't be – I'll leave her my Cloak."

"And does she know she'll be left the Cloak?"

"As of right now? Nope."

"Ah. Well, you better go tell her we agreed before we change our minds, Prongs." James gave them a grateful smile before leaving his old dorm and heading towards the Heads' Quarters, a slight spring in his step.

––––––––

"So they agreed." Lily stated, a triumphant expression on her face.

"Yeah, but there's one thing: you can't be seen."

"Why?"

"And here I thought you were more than just a pretty face..." James teased, earning him a smack on the arm. "Anyway, don't you think people would wonder if they saw you sitting out the night by the Whomping Willow once a month?"

"You do have a point. But no worries, I can do a decent Disillusionment Charm."

"Ah, but you don't need to," he said mysteriously.

"How else do you suggest on making me invisible, then?"

Wordlessly, James pulled the Invisibility Cloak out of his school robes.

"James – is that – an Invisibility Cloak?"

He drew it around himself, leaving only his head visible. "Does this answer your question?"

"It – yes. But is it an actual Invisibility Cloak? Not just a normal cloak with some charm cast on it? But... however did you get it?"

"It's been in family for ages and ages, and it's still going strong – so I guess it must be real, not that I ever thought about it."

"So I suppose now I know how you've managed all your pranks?"

"Yep."

"And I'm not supposed to tell anyone?"

"Uh, yeah. You understand, right?"

"That the secrets of the almighty Marauders must be kept secret, lest their credibility goes? Yeah, I understand."

"Awesome."

–––––––

"All right, all right! Guys. Calm down, okay?" It was the third week of school, and James was trying to calm the Prefects down at their weekly meeting. "We – that is, your amazingly wonderful Head Girl and I –" Lily smacked his arm for what had to have been the tenth time that week, and it was only Tuesday "– have some news for you."

A chorus of 'Ooooh's rose up, and James kicked himself for not having worded that better. "Regrettably, not that." He fully expected another smack, but even Lily seemed to have grown tired of the constant violence. "Yes, well, anyway, my point was this: seeing as you all now that dark forces are at work, yadda yadda yadda, there's a war coming and so forth, we've decided that the students – especially the younger ones – need some entertainment in the dark winter months ahead. Which is why... we've decided to hold a Winter Ball – well, that's what it will officially be called. In actual fact, this is how it's going to be: around seven pm on a day that is yet to be decided, the entire school will meet in the Great Hall for a feast..." Lily tuned out James' speech – she had no need to listen to him explaining the event they'd planned just last week. She did, however, marvel at how eloquent James seemed to be while addressing the Prefects. They seemed to almost... respect him? No, that wasn't possible. This was James Potter, after all: he may have commanded many things, but respect – unless it was from a fellow prankster – was not often one of those things.

_Huh. Maybe he really has changed._

_So, there we are. Another chapter. How are you guys? I just thought I'd ask, since we got snow this week. I do love snow. _

_As always, reviews are appreciated :)_


	4. Chapter 4

_I know, I know... ages. And ages. But I swear, I'm gonna get better: I've decided to kinda bend the rules a bit (or a lot, actually) and do this for NaNoWriMo '1O (the YWP part), so I'll be aiming towards 25k words in November. Which means I'll either write a couple of hugeass chapters or a ton of shorter ones._

_Now, I know that really few people like lovesick puppy-James, and trust me, I'm not one of them – and neither are the other Marauders ;) _

_Oh, and have I disclaimed yet? In case I haven't: everything three-dimensional belongs to JKR, all the underdeveloped crap that passes for a plot is mine._

Chapter Four

The rest September passed pretty much without incident for the Marauders – a disrupted class here, a minor prank there – and they were itching to do something more, to remind the entire school who they were, and show off to the firsties, many of whom had heard stories from their older siblings.

Well, Sirius, Remus and Peter were. James, on the other hand, was unwilling to risk the wary friendship he and Lily now had with something as immature as switching around equipment in the Potions supply closet. There was also the matter of his Head Boy-ship – to be quite honest, the position had grown on him, and he was filling it admirably (especially considering the James Potter of just three short months ago).

James was once again in his old dormitory with the other Marauders – he seemed to spend most of his free time there, unless he was doing homework of some kind, in which case the Head Dorm or accompanying Common Room was definitely the better choice: no distracting Marauders _and_ Lily to sheepishly ask for help with Charms or Potions, his worst and her best subjects. At this time, however, he had no homework and was therefore able to lounge around with his three best friends in the entire world. The three best friends who were currently heartily disgusted with the way James was even now lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, playing with that ancient Snitch with the expression his friends knew only too well – they had dubbed it the 'lovesick puppy-James' expression. And, to be quite honest, they had no more patience for it after a month.

"Come on, James. You know just as we do that your pathetic moping will get you absolutely nowhere." Sirius, quickly growing frustrated with the apathetic James, was the first to voice the collective thoughts of the Marauders.

"Exactly," Remus chimed in, "and didn't you just go on and on for about a million and a half years about how adorable Evans is when she yells at you? So why not, ah, try to bring it on a bit? By, for example, joining us in charming all the banners in the Great Hall? You know she'll know it was you – and even if she doesn't she'll yell at you anyway, because by her logic anything that ever goes wrong can be traced back to you _somehow_, be you the culprit or the, I dunno, briber or something."

"Damn, Moony, you think like girls!" was James's response to this long spiel, though it did manage to get him to sit up, some of the familiarly mischievous glint back in his eyes at the prospect of a yelling Lily Evans.

"For your information, Prongs, it's called being sensitive. You might actually want to try it some time. And anyway, didn't some great person or the other once say 'Know thy enemy'?"

"Oh, Moony, you're too smart for your own good. Now come on then, we've got some banners to charm, yeah?"

A short ten minutes later, the Marauders retreated to the entrance of the Great Hall, admiring their handiwork. The banners that hung on both side walls, representing the colours of each house, had been charmed to say something insulting about the house in question - all except the Gryffindor banners, obviously, which bore the legends 'Lions for the cup!' and 'There's a reason we're braver that you'. Not their best work, in James's opinion - the slogans were hastily thought of, and could have been better, wittier, sharper, but it was too bad; the young students would have to make do with it for now. James's brain was already working overtime, trying to figure out something suitable for the Halloween feast that was to take place in a month's time.

They left the Hall rather quickly, trying to avoid most people on their way to an early dinner just in case suspicions were raised - a feat made considerably easier by the Marauder's Map, their second most prized possession, second only to James's invisibility cloak. The Map showed every single person on the Hogwarts grounds real-time, mapping their movements and incredibly useful for keeping watch when one was doing something one was not necessarily supposed to be doing (like sneaking back to the Gryffindor Common Room after charming the banners in the Great Hall, for example.

They made it back to the Common Room without too large an incident, occasionally ducking into a broom closet or behind a particularly large statue to avoid professors, fellow students and, in one case, the flaming head of red hair belonging to the one girl who was technically the reason for this particular prank. James was sure she had seen them, and the thought set loose the butterflies that seemed to have taken permanent residence in his stomach (since when did he get butterflies? He was a guy, for Merlin's sake! He wasn't supposed to get butterflies, right?), but the other three assured him he had only imagined the curious and more than slightly suspicious look on her face as she passed them (the look which had to mean she saw the flash of black from their robes as they ducked behind the statue of Rinegard the Brave and his exceptionally fat horse – and really, what other Hogwarts students would be ducking out of sight behind exceptionally fat horses, especially so close to dinner time?). However, she did not pursue them, and eventually even James accepted that perhaps she hadn't thought it that suspicious, because there was no way anything (even a dinner prepared by the Hogwarts house elves) could keep her from getting the Marauders into trouble.

It wasn't like Lily Evans hated the Marauders, really. They just 'got on her nerves a lot' – they were those she loved to hate, if you will. More than anything, she enjoyed arguing with them, or telling them off after their pranks, sometimes even managing to get them (well, James) flustered, which she always considered a sort of personal victory. To be quite honest, if the Marauders hadn't done anything too drastic in the last few hours or so, Lily got on well with them, joking and laughing and always making quite sure to keep up a constant trading of insults with James, even though they both knew that neither was being serious – not any more. When it had started, that fateful day after the Defence Against the Dark Arts O., both had been intent on acting as indifferently as possible towards the other, except when insulting, trying to do as much damage as possible, but at some point during their sixth year, it had descended into the something resembling easy banter they shared now, making them consider the possibility of calling each other friends (though Lily had tried her hardest to go back to the slight enmity at the beginning of their seventh year, even managing to send James a glare that convinced him she hated him again upon being told about the Head Dorms), even if well over half of the Hogwarts population thought it, in a word, impossible. Even though they could all see this was no longer the case, lots of them still clung firmly to the belief that Lily Evans and James Potter hated each other (these people were mostly members of the James Potter Appreciation Society). The other half (or slightly less than half), including Sirius, Remus and, by default, Peter, were sure that the constant insulting was just their own messed-up way of flirting, covering up the obvious attraction they had for each other with the image of no longer hatred but friendship (or whatever it was that they had).

Truth be told, both Lily and James rather enjoyed the entire situation (not that anyone would know, for James covered it up with his incessant moaning and Lily was really not one to speak of matters like this to anyone).

If she was going to be completely honest, it was hard for Lily to force herself to be mad at the Marauders for that slightly pathetic prank they pulled on the Great Hall that day just before dinner. Really, the only thing making her do it was the rush she got from yelling at James (even though her shouts were directed at the Marauders as a collective unit, it was really only James who got yelled _at_. Not that anyone minded, though – James was possibly the only person on Earth [or at least at Hogwarts] who really didn't care if he got yelled at by Lily Evans. On the contrary, as I mentioned, he rather liked it, even if Lily did have a fierce temper that the rest of the Marauders were, in fact, somewhat afraid of) and hearing him answer back with a ready comeback, always meant to hurt her but never quite succeeding, as they both knew full well was going to happen. Nobody could break Lily Evans.

Well, nobody but James Potter, and though he knew exactly how to go about it, he refrained. Because the truth was, even though her yelling at them (him) was somewhat of a biweekly occurrence, the only time Lily had been truly angry was the time James asked her out by the lake that June day, and he did not dare risk it after that (even though 'getting Lily Evans' was his ultimate goal). So he settled for riling her up in anyway possible, and listening with delight as she reciprocated with all that she was worth, even hitting him in indignation every now and then (something that was happening more and more often, the pair had noted, Lily with rue and James with something bearing a scary resemblance to glee).

With a sigh torn somewhere between contempt and anticipation, Lily got up from her perch on the sofa in the Head's Common Room and made her way to the one in Gryffindor Tower, where James would undoubtedly be waiting, admired by the sixth-years she knew he thought to be shallow and talking to his friends in a distracted manner, always keeping an eye on the portrait hole, watching for her entrance.

It did not take long for his wait to be rewarded. Less than half an hour after dinner had officially started (meaning around forty minutes after the Marauders had reached the relative safety of the Gryffindor Common Room), Lily stormed through the portrait hole he kept such a careful watch on and headed straight for him, her expression trying hard to be angry (or even slightly mad) but failing rather tragically. She kept up the impression of a glare right until she reached him, which was around the same time she burst into incredulous laughter. "'The – there's a reason we're braver than you?' Really, Pott – ...James?" she managed to choke out between giggles.

"Sorry, _Lily_, did I offend your superiorly spectacular wit? Maybe next time you can come with us, do some proof-reading, yeah?"

"Yeah, maybe I will..." Lily laughed at the expression on James's face – it was nothing short of incredulous, really. "Or not. In your bloody dreams, James." His expression now went from shock to cockiness, implying oh-so-many things about his 'bloody dreams'... wouldn't she like to know? "Yeah, yeah, we all know about your dreams, James. You don't need to tell us," she went on with an evil twinkle in her eye. "Those bedroom doors in the Head Dorms? Yeah, not exactly soundproof."

"The doors – wait, what?" All the cockiness from a minute ago was now gone from his face as Lily smirked and the other Marauders smiled in solidarity, having listened to James's night-time ramblings (and occasionally slightly more than ramblings, if you get my drift) for six solid years.

"Yeah, Prongs, and you're not exactly a quiet sleeper..."

"I... what? Seriously? Shut up, Sirius... you mean I talk in my sleep and you never told me? Nice lot of friends you are," he grumbled, trying very hard not to laugh at the incredulous expressions on his friends faces.

"Tell you? What, and ruin all our fun? I don't bloody think so, though the cat is out of the bag now."

"Yeah, guys, you've gone and ruined it," Lily sighed, shaking her head. "I have yet to find out who that girl was..." that evil glint from before was back in full force now as she waggled her eyebrows suggestively. James paled as the many possible dreams Lily's statement could be referring to undoubtedly ran though his mind, and he forced out a more-than-slightly panicked "Girl? What do you mean, girl?"

"Well, see, that's the point – I don't know, do I? But if I remember, it went something like this..." adopting the whiny tones of a child, Lily went on: "But mu-um! I don't _want_ to hug her!"

"_What? _That's a new one..." Sirius's expression was one of pure mirth as he turned to James, smirking. "So, which girl did you complain to dear old mum about?" With a jolt, Lily remembered how Sirius's own parents had kicked him out and he now lived with the Potter family, and as was her silly way she might have felt guilty for so _tactlessly_ bringing up a thing like mothers, if not for the ease with which Sirius called Mrs Potter 'dear old mum' like he had always been part of the Potter family, like his old, Pureblood-manic family had never existed (though to be quite fair, to him it hadn't. Not for a long time).

"Shut up, Sirius." James said for the second and (he had a feeling) not last time that evening; it was looking to be a long one.

–––––––

It was times like this that Lily really wished she had put more effort into making friends during those first few months at Hogwarts, six years ago, instead of hanging out with Snape (she thought name with nothing but disgust and contempt for the slimy git who'd so callously thrown away seven years of friendship with one word) and creeping out everyone who might otherwise have wanted to be friends with the redhead who had seemed so full of life, always laughing at something or the other (unless she was doing school work, in which case all traces of laughter disappeared from her face and she scrunched up her nose in concentration, unbeknownst to her making a certain Marauder sigh wistfully). That much, at least, had stayed the same throughout her Hogwarts career; she still laughed at everything, still screwed up her nose in that adorable way. Still made that certain Marauder sigh, though he'd never admit it to _anyone_.

But now as she lay crying on her bed in her solitary room just off the Head Common Room, she really wished she'd made the effort, gained even one friend who'd sit with her as she once more mourned her parents in the early hours of the morning (the only time she was alone) so as to let people think she'd processed it, that she was, to a certain degree, over it.

Just then, a knock at her door startled her and she wiped her eyes, trying to retain some semblance of dignity (because Lily Evans never cried) before opening the door to James, the only person who could be behind that door, seeing as no one but the Heads had the password to their quarters.

"What are you..." The question died on her lips as he silently took in her tear-stained face and folded her in his arms, letting her finally cry it out to someone who actually gave a damn. As he smoothed her hair and held her tight he whispered, "Those bedroom doors in the Head Dorms? Yeah, not exactly soundproof."

_Like I said, ages and ages and ages and I really very sorry. But still, like I also said, I'm gonna get better. And it looks like it's gonna be in the form of many short chapters, because I simply can't seem to write long ones. _

_And I know this might have been kinda illogical so far, or at least kinda... you know... not following continuity. How the heck are you supposed to say that anyway? Uncon...tinous? But anyway, it kinda has been, and I promise you now that whatever I might have said earlier, this chapter contains the truth about the relationship between Lily and the Marauders._

_And another thing, please please **please** tell me what you think! Especially about the ending, I'm really not too sure about that. It just seems... cliché._

_Oh, and on a completely unrelated note: I got Evanna Lynch's and Matt Lewis's autographs today (Y) and I'm pretty sure that Evanna looked at some of my plans for this FF (they were on the page next to the one she signed in my notebook)!_


	5. Chapter 5

_So recently, a completely absurd thought occurred to me: I should probably plan this story out or something... but to me, 'plan' in relation to writing is almost like a four-letter word. So I have absolutely no plans, each time I start a new chapter I'm just as anxious as you guys are to see what happens. I mean, I obviously know the main points of the story, but that's just about it. Like, for example, chapter three with the whole werewolf thing? Yeah, I didn't really see that coming either. So now lets see what happens here..._

_And remember that word I was searching for at the end of the last chapter? Inconsistent. That's what it was._

_Oh, and by the way: I recently uploaded a oneshot called "An Epiphany In The Second Person", hint hint ;)_

_Chapter Five_

They stood like that for the longest time, James resting his chin on Lily's forehead, holding her, trying to wordlessly communicate so many things that could never be said aloud, at least not yet, not while she was this vulnerable, not while the both of them were still finding their footing as seventh-years. But one day they would be said, James promised himself, one day before graduation he would tell her all those things he'd been dying to say ever since Christmas of sixth year. It had been then, as he watched her kiss some Ravenclaw under a bough of mistletoe and wished harder than he'd ever wished for anything that it had been him wrapped in her embrace and not that Ravenclaw, that he'd known she was different, that he'd sworn to do whatever it took to make her see that he was serious now. That he was no longer joking when he tossed a 'Go out with me, Evans?' at her in passing, no matter what his tone implied, even though he hadn't said it for a while, partly because of the half-exasperated, half-confused expression she got each time and partly because he couldn't bear the rejection much more. Partly because he still remembered her words that day at the lake: "I wouldn't go out with you if it were a choice between you and the _Giant Squid!". He still remembered them, and they still hurt._

_After what seemed like quite a while, but was probably only _ten minutes or so, James gently steered the pair of them to her bed (partly because standing bunched up against him like that can't have been comfortable, partly because his legs were beginning to cramp up) and sat them down, slowly rubbing circles into her back, figuring she'd talk when she was ready. And eventually she was, pulling away from him with a watery smile and a mumbled apology. "I – James... I'm sorry – it's just..."

He cut her off with a smile. "Hey, it's okay." The small kindness was almost enough to set her off again, and she sniffed a couple of times before leaning dejectedly into James's shoulder. It occurred to James that he was sitting on a girl's bed, with said girl in a very vulnerable state, and he wasn't even trying to take advantage of it. The only thing he wanted at that moment, cliché or not, was for the girl he held in his arms to be happy, to vanish the tears even now staining her huge emerald eyes. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, trying to be as tactful as possible. He didn't know quite what was going on – he remembered how depressed Lily had been in March and April, when she had just found out about her parents' death, but she had seemed to have recovered quite well, regaining most if not all of her bubbly personality in time for May and the exams that took place in June. But perhaps her recovery hadn't been quite as total as she had left the world to believe, because he honestly couldn't think of anything else that would have her crying her eyes out (in his arms, no less) at four in the morning. Not when she had class that day – that just went against everything that was Lily Evans.

"I... ugh. How can I begin to explain this to you?"

"Erm. I really don't know? Try starting at the beginning, maybe?" James was rather confused, seeing as it wasn't too often hysterical girls chose to find comfort in _him_. That was really more Moony's job... but he'd be damned if he was going to run away and leave Lily alone with her troubles. His mother would never forgive him (and he didn't think he'd quite forgive himself).

"The beginning. Right." Lily gave a shaky laugh and sucked in a deep breath before continuing. "Well, you already know that my parents – my parents died in March, right?"

He nodded, not wanting to say anything in case it was exactly the wrong thing. He remembered when, in his third year, his younger sister had died after a long illness – he knew they meant well, but the tirade of person after sympathetic person offering up useless apologies had made him want to punch someone. Preferably a Slytherin.

"Yeah. So everyone expected me to grieve, right? And so they left me alone, and so I did. And after a month or two had passed, I stopped... crying in public and such, and I suppose people thought I'd gotten over it or something. Of course I hadn't – how're you supposed to get over something like that in two short months? – I'd merely forcibly pulled myself together for exams, because I couldn't afford to fail them, not now when I _have _to get a job after this year, or else I'll have no money to live on, Tuney took it all, and... ugh."

"Tuney?"

"Yeah, my sister. Petunia. She hates me. And took all the money our parents left us. But anyway –" she didn't get much further than that, because James interrupted. "All the money? Is that even legal?"

"Of course it isn't," she laughed, slightly bitter. "I could have taken her to court, but that would've resulted in a huge legal battle which would have cost even more, and would probably have meant that I couldn't have come back, because they'd have needed me at the trial or whatever, and I mean, I'm Head Girl, I can't not come to school, right? And I earned enough doing odd jobs during the summer to stay at the Leaky Cauldron and really, I'm quite fine."

"Aha. Okay." James's tone implied disbelief, but Lily was too relieved to finally be talking about it that she barely noticed.

"Now where was I? Right. Honestly, you have no idea how much I wanted to fall back to that crying wreck straight after exams, but then school suddenly ended, and I was alone. It wasn't so bad, then, because nobody knew that... nobody knew my parents were dead, so nobody tried to offer up their useless sympathies.

"And then, all too soon, I got the letter informing me I got Head Girl, and even though I tried to resign immediately, Dumbledore wouldn't have any of it... And so here I am, with everyone looking up to me – which, by the way, is just really odd – and I can't just go around having nervous breakdowns all the time, can ?"

James shook his head sadly. "So you have them at four in the morning instead, when no one can see you."

"Yeah... there goes that plan, huh?" she replied with a weak attempt at a smile.

"You could have said something... Nobody should have to go through that alone." James was racking his brains, trying to remember a time when Lily had seemed out of sorts or tired somehow, anything that could have indicated midnight breakdowns like this one – and mentally kicking himself as he came up with many. He'd just been so caught up, so absorbed in dreaming about her that he hadn't noticed how abnormally she had been behaving.  
"What could you have done? It's not like I've been, I dunno, bullied or something; then you'd be able to beat them up – not that I'd approve."  
"What am I doing now?" he countered. "Come on, Lily. Tell me it makes no difference to have someone to cry it out to. Go on, I dare you." They stared at each other, neither looking away until finally, Lily shook her head slowly. "I can't," she said softly. "Not truthfully, at least."  
"Exactly." was all he said before once more wrapping his arms around her, trying in vain to protect her from the world.  
The next morning, no one seemed to notice that both Head Students looked rather exhausted and each more comfortable in the other's company than they had the night before – and if they did, they didn't say anything, figuring that whatever was going on between James and Lily would most probably be public knowledge soon enough.

––––––

James was, quite frankly, stressed as hell.  
He was supposed to be at Quidditch practise in exactly twenty-two minutes, and he still had to write half a Potions essay and three inches of one from Defence Against the Dark Arts, both to be handed in the following day. Practise was likely to run late into the night, so unless he wanted to be sitting in the Common Room until Merlin knows how late (or rather, early) he had to get at least some work done in the time left before he had go down to the Pitch and yell at his slightly-above-inept team for hours and hours in the freezing October evening.

He turned his attention back to the half-filled parchment in front of him, dismally trying to think up something, _anything _to say about Calming Draughts and the possible negative effects they might have on House Elves if used excessively (what was that about, anyway? Really, that's just Slughorn for you).

_If House Elves ingest excessive amounts of Calming Draughts, they will, unfortunately, become more than slightly tipsy, as if they had gone to Professor Dumbledore's Firewhiskey stores instead of a simple Calming Draught..._

James very nearly threw down his quill in frustration, electing instead to shove the parchment aside and grab the other one, seeing as he was more likely to write three more inches on identifying Dark creatures than half a roll of parchment on aforementioned Calming Draughts.

All too quickly for his liking, the time crept closer and closer to seven o'clock until finally he just had to leave. Gathering his Quidditch gear, he quite literally dragged himself down to the Pitch and attached dressing rooms, pulling on his gear in a manner so apathetic that someone who didn't know him quite as well as, say, Sirius did would think he was surely depressed, if not suicidal.

Sirius, however, knew better. This was just a combination of lovesick-puppy-James, extremely-stressed-James and resigned-to-getting-very-little-sleep-James. All he needed was a slight push, and he'd begin to resemble an animated creature again... which is why the next thing Sirius did was trickle the glass of cold water he was holding down James's neck. Instead of hitting Sirius like he would have done to anyone else who tried that particular trick, however, he shook his head suddenly and smiled grimly.

"Thanks, mate. I needed that." And with that, James Potter, Head Boy and Quidditch Captain extraordinaire, stood up and left the changing room, Sirius not far behind him.

_This one's kinda short, and I know it's taken me a long time again, and so on, and I know I suck, but guess what? That's life. I have to read 400 pages and study for a really hard test this week, but I'm still spending like all my time on this, and it's still not writing itself... damn._

_Reviews? Pretty please? With, like, a giant cherry on top?_


	6. Chapter 6

_If I tended to name chapters, this one would probably be called _That._ I dunno._

_Chapter Six_

As the first half of October drew to a close, Quidditch became a topic of interest as the first match of the season, Gryffindor vs. Hufflepuff, approached. There was none of the corridor violence that preceded Gryffindor-Slytherin (or Ravenclaw-Slytherin, or Hufflepuff-Slytherin) matches, but Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors who found themselves in the same class that last week before the game didn't much speak to each other. Seeing as it was the first game of the season, the Ravenclaws and Slytherins didn't really have anything against either team, except for the normal rivalry between the Slytherins and everyone else, especially the Gryffindors.

Lily Evans, Head Girl and resident bookworm, was probably the only person in the school not planning on going to the match. Though it was the first one, and therefore not really that conclusive, it was the first thing people had had to look forward to for a long time, seeing as the first Hogsmeade visit of the year wasn't till Halloween. So everyone except Lily was going to pack themselves into the Stadium at nine o'clock on a Saturday morning just to watch Hufflepuff get their butts whipped, because even if James considered his team only slightly above inept, it was much better than the Hufflepuff team, whose second beater literally had trouble staying in the air at times. No matter how much she loved watching Quidditch, that match was bound to be over in a half hour, tops. Instead she was planning on completing those pesky little things teachers called essays and students preferred to refer to as the tortures professors gave out because they got kicks from watching their students suffer, and maybe getting started on actually planning the party the Head Students were organising to combat the depression brought on by winter. The chosen date, the last Saturday of November, was quickly approaching and they only had a month or so left before they had to submit their plans to Professor McGonagall for review and approval... not that there'd be anything to disapprove of, of course – the Marauders would make sure the Firewhiskey and consequently spiked Butterbeer would be kept well under wraps until all the younger students had left.

With a sigh, she picked up some books and a spare piece of parchment and made her way to the common room, flopping down into the armchair nearest the fire. She lit it with a lazy flick of her wand and burrowed down some more, deciding to finish her Potions essay first, since it was due first... a week from Monday. Another sigh and some fidgeting around, and she had gained a comfortable position from which it was possible to actually write, rare as that is.

Only to be pulled out of it by James, who was wearing a huge goofy grin and his Quidditch uniform.

"Come on, Lily... aren't you coming to the game?"

"Actually, I wasn't planning on it."

"Really?" he put on an expertly hurt expression. "You wouldn't even come for me?"

"Really? No."

"Please? Pwetty pwetty pwease with a cherry on top?" he was trying puppy-dog eyes now, and he looked so ridiculous Lily had to laugh. _Though ridiculous isn't exactly the only word... _a voice in her head reminded her. She shushed it forcefully and pretended to think, even though she had made her decision at "Really?".

"Oh, fine then. But aren't you late?"

"Well, kinda... I just ran up here to fetch something."

"Shouldn't you get it, then?" Lily asked, not seeing anything in his hands.

"I just did," he replied, grabbing her wrist and making for the portrait hole.

"James! Wait!" he turned around so suddenly that they were face to face, with no more than two, maybe three inches between their noses; he was still holding her wrist, the one he'd been trying to drag her from, and with a few small adjustments they could have been dancing. They stared at each other for a while, expressions unreadable, until Lily's breath caught and James took a step back, breathing heavily. "Yeah?" His voice, now that he spoke, was gruff, and he was still trying to calm his breathing.

"I – I need to get my cloak." She answered in a small voice, never turning her gaze.

"Yeah..." she turned away, hurrying to her room and frantically digging around for her cloak and Gryffindor scarf. A glance in the mirror told her that her cheeks were flushed and her hair, normally quite straight and shiny, was curly and flying all over the place... in a manner that didn't look too bad, actually, now that she thought about it – it was almost... sexy. With a snort, she pushed that thought aside and dragged on her cloak, winding the scarf around her neck as she went. She tugged the ends of her hair out from under her scarf with a flourish and smiled at James, trying hard not to think of anything along the lines of _flustered James = adorable James_. He wasn't flustered for long, though, and soon he had once again grabbed her wrist (she tried not to think too much of the skin-on-skin contact) and led her towards the portrait hole, despite her protests that she knew the way down to the Pitch quite fine on her own, thank you very much.

They didn't know it, but their arriving down on the Pitch hand-in-hand (for James still hadn't let go of her wrist) caused quite a stir, especially as the crisp October air had done nothing for Lily's flushed cheeks, and the school had rarely if ever before seen her with her hair in its unrefined wild state. James's naturally messy hair didn't really help either.

Now, I said they didn't know it... but the truth is James did know it, and he was milking it for all it was worth as he leaned down and whispered into Lily's ear, "You're coming to the after-match party, you hear? That Potions essay can wait." _I can't._ He didn't actually say it, but the implications were clear. He walked off towards the changing rooms, and Lily shook her head to clear it before spotting Remus's head in the stands and making her way over. She plopped down into the seat on his left (Peter was on his right) and shook her head again... and a third time when that didn't really work.

"So... what was that?" Remus asked, amused.

"What was what?"

"_That._ You and James. Late entrance. Hand-in-hand... and the whispering. What was that?"

"Oh. _That_." Finally realising exactly what it had looked like, Lily flushed an even deeper red and buried her head in her hands.

"Yes. _That_. So what was it?"

"It was... nothing, really. He just made me come down to watch the game. Literally dragged me. It was nothing." Lily knew that if she had been the one listening to her slightly high-pitched and breathless explanation, there's no way she'd have believed it. Luckily, Madam Hooch (the young new flying teacher and Quidditch referee) chose that exact moment to release the Bludgers and Snitch and toss up the Quaffle, effectively starting the game and shutting Remus up.

Lily couldn't have told you anything about the match had her life depended on it. All she knew was that Gryffindor had won, by quite a lot, and the only reason she knew this was from the yells that surrounded her, rejoicing in their victory and praising James, their Captain, to heaven and back.

Ah. James. The reason for her inattentiveness.

See, normally Lily was quite knowledgeable on all matters Quidditch. Her fascination with the wizarding sport dated way back to her first year at Hogwarts, when she'd been so impressed that wizarding sports actually existed that she'd immediately made it her mission to read up on it. As a result, there were few people who knew more Quidditch theory than she did – James being one of them. She wasn't a bad flyer either, and the only things keeping her from trying out for Gryffindor Seeker were her enormous stage fright and the close proximity to James it offered. Even though lately, that didn't seem like such a bad thing... _Stop! _Lily chastised herself. James had already ruined one Quidditch game for her, and she was determined to leave it the last.

Even if it was bloody hard to concentrate on the game when she could watch him fly around instead, thinking of the moment mere hours earlier when that handsome face of his had been inches from her own, his hand locked around her wrist and his breath in her face.

And quite suddenly that breath was in her ear, and her back was against something hard and warm, and her waist was encircled by a pair of strong arms. "After-party, remember?" She forced out a nod, all the while wondering when the hell she and James had progressed to that level, and not really coming up with anything. Just as she was about to turn around, however, and maybe hit him for his imprudence, the arms disappeared, as did the warmth at her back. She whipped around so suddenly her hair hit her in the face, and by the time she'd managed to claw it back, James had disappeared into the crowd, or onto their shoulders, to be exact. She turned back towards the castle and nearly bumped into a smirking Remus.

"Still nothing?" he asked with a wink. Lily, feeling the earlier blush creep back in full force, merely nodded and attempted to push her way past the now full-on laughing Remus, with little luck.

"Come on, Remus, let me through! It's cold out here," she whined petulantly.

"Really? You looked pretty toasty back there."

She hit him for that comment. "Remus. Please?" She was millimetres away from James's tactics, the puppy-dog eyes and "Pwetty pwetty pwease?"s, but luckily Remus was now almost doubled over with laughter and responded well to pushing.

She stomped up to the castle in a huff, still blushing slightly as she reached the Head Common Room, which was thankfully James-free. Depositing her cloak in her closet, she exchanged the sweats she was wearing for black jeans and a floaty green shirt which, cliché or not, matched her eyes to the T. She added a slight bit of mascara to the aforementioned eyes, but decided to leave her hair in curls, even though it would have taken only seconds to straighten them with her wand as usual – James had seemed to like them curly.

Not, you know, that she was trying to look nice for him. Definitely not.

When she arrived at the Gryffindor Common Room minutes later, the party was in full swing.

_Yay! Cliffhanger! Technically. Erm. _

_Kind of a short one this time, but I don't think I've updated for a while (or maybe I have and just can't remember it) and I think the party needs to be in a new chapter, because otherwise this would have turned out too long._

_I have a French test and a book report due this week, but we only have three hours of school on Friday since it's my birthday (just kidding, it's actually because of the Independence Day celebration [Finland's ID is 6/12/1917, there's some trivia for you] but it is my birthday then too... cookies for anyone who guesses how old I'll be) so I'll try to write a lot then and maybe have the new chapter up by Saturday. No promises, though..._


	7. Chapter 7

_I'm not even gonna try and make excuses for lateness – you've heard it all before (but you never really had a doubt)._

_Chapter Seven_

The party was loud and generally confusing, as Marauder parties are wont to be – and it was a Marauder party, no doubt about it, even though it bore the title 'after-party'. The victorious Quidditch match of half an hour ago was merely an excuse, for the Marauders hadn't had one yet that year.

Lily had spent many a fourth, fifth and sixth-year night up in her dormitory, trying desperately to block out the noise rising from the Common Room so that she could possibly, just maybe, get some studying done. The nights always ended in the same way: around one, maybe two am, she'd go down to the Common Room, yell at the Marauders and other possible stragglers for keeping the poor firsties up with their drunken rampaging, and fix the small cuts and bruises they managed to acquire during the night; then send them up to their dormitory with a glare so motherly that all those left downstairs understood even in their inebriated states that it was best not to cross her and scampered upstairs with their proverbial tails between their legs. Then she'd clean up the Common Room with a few tired flicks of her wand, and stumble up to bed, asleep before her head hit the pillow as the blessed silence enveloped her.

Today, however, would be different – had she been so inclined, she would have had the Head Dorms all to herself, to sleep and study in as she pleased; but she had, apparently, promised James Bloody Potter that she'd be there. He was undoubtedly envisioning her plastered to his side, hanging onto his every word as the alcohol encouraged her to shed more and more clothes. Bah. As if she'd ever become one of his pathetic little followers, sighing every time he so much as smiled at them and literally following him around like a puppy follows its master. That wasn't for her, no sir.

Her musings were (rather rudely) interrupted by one James Potter, or more specifically his arms, as they wound their way around her waist, and his face, as it lowered itself to her height, and his lips, as they moved against her ear. "Hi." She jumped at the sound of his voice, slightly huskier than usual, though that could have been just the alcohol and the exertion of Quidditch talking – _yeah, right_, she thought. _As if mere Quidditch would ever make the infamous Potter lose even a semblance of his famous cool. No, there are bigger forces at work here. Namely me. Ugh. _Because of course, she (among with the rest of Hogwarts) was aware of James Potter's little 'crush' on her. Which didn't make her believe it. But one had to admit, he was doing a pretty good job keeping up the illusion.

"What makes you think you can just creep up behind me like that, James?" she asked, the epitome of composedness even though his touch had made her heart race – even if she'd never, ever admit it to anyone. Including herself.

"I don't know. What makes _you_ think I can't?" His voice, thankfully, was back to normal.

"I don't know," she parroted. "Maybe the fact I said so?"

He didn't reply, and she busied herself removing his arms from where they were still wound tightly round her middle, holding her flat against him. Damn Quidditch.

"Potter, _if you don't mind_?" she spat out, still struggling against his arms.

"Mind what?" The picture of innocence.

"Your arms. Mind removing them?"

"Actually, I think I would mind. I'd so much rather just keep them here." He couldn't believe he was actually holding _the_ Lily Evans, the girl he'd (yes, he admits it) been in love with for at least a year now. Whatever it was before, he can pinpoint the moment he realised he _loved_ her... twisted as it may sound, James had known there was no going back when Lily had first told Snape to "wash your pants, _Snivellus_" and then turned on him, pointing out all his faults in one sentence before informing him that he made her SICK.

And yet, here she was, wrapped in his arms (and making only a perfunctory effort to get away).

James was brought back to the present by the feel of Lily struggling in front of him, and he looked down to see that she'd turned in his embrace and her face was now right below his.

"Why, Lily," he drawled. "We can't keep meeting like this."

"Shut up and let me go, or I'll..."

"You'll what?"

There was a dangerous glint in her eyes, and it was really quite unexpected when her knee made contact with his groin. His arms retracted automatically and she made the most of it, skipping out of his reach with a smirk.

"That."

––––––

The Head Common Room was silent, which was indeed a rather rare occurrence, especially seeing as both its inhabitants were present, Lily curled up in what had quickly become her armchair, James sprawled across the sofa, exhausted after Quidditch practise (which was totally and completely _his_ fault, to be fair – he was Captain, after all). This silence was by no means awkward, since he was half-asleep and she was miles away in some fantasy world, and neither was therefore acutely aware of their surroundings.

Or so it was, until Lily suddenly stirred and asked, "James?" in a voice that gave away completely the fact that her fantasy world had begun to resemble dreamland. Possibly quite a lot.

"Nnnngh?" the answering... sound, whatever it was, was no more awake than she felt, and therefore she tried again.

"James."

"Nnyees?" He seemed to be conscious, and she pressed on.

"James, it's the 14th of November."

"And?"

"Y'know, no pressure or anything, but I distinctly remember McGonagall telling us to hand in the plans for the ball on the 15th at the latest. Which is, you know, tomorrow."

"Crap." He's fully awake now.

"Exactly."

"Do we have any ideas?"

"You mean, do I have anything?"

"Well, yeah..."

"Apart from the list of things to be decided and organised? Nope."

"Oh. Erm."

"Yeah..."

It turned out, however, that both Lily and James were wicked party planners once they put their minds to it, and two hours later they were debating over the last item on Lily's list: dress code.

"Come on, James. Masquerade is so cliché – not to mention _so_ 18th-century."

"Exactly! That's why we'd do it."

"No! No masquerade. Just fancy dress."

"Pwease?" _Oh, Merlin. He's doing the puppy-dog eyes thing again._

"No, James! You've already had your Maraudering way with the drinks. I am _not_ going to let you win this one!"

"Pwetty pwetty pwease with a cherry on top?"

"NO!" she finally exploded. "Merlin's sake, James, I said no!"

"Whoa, whoa! Calm down there, Lils," he said, backing away slightly with his hands raised in surrender. "Fine! If it's such a big deal to you, we won't do masquerade. Fine."

"I'm sorry, James. I – it's just that..." her entire demeanour had changed now, she was hunched over in her chair, the picture of defeat though she'd just won their debate, swallowing repeatedly in a fruitless effort to regain some composure before finally allowing a few odd tears to escape her eyes. James was next to her in a heartbeat, trying to comfort her as well as he could without actually knowing what was the matter. "Shh... it's all right, I think..."

"No, James, it isn't all right," she forced out between sobs, turning her face so she could look at him. "My parents... when they died, they were at a masquerade. That's why they still don't know who – who did it."

_Woot woot, it's another chapter! Despicably short and despicably late, as usual. Tough._

_Although, I kinda have an excuse this time: I got picked as one of the writers for Wizarding Life Magazine (www dot wizardinglife dot com), which is awesome, but kinda took up all my time. Go check us out ;) we're cool._


	8. Chapter 8

_Proper A/N at the bottom, this has been so long coming I'll let you get straight to it :)_

_Chapter Eight_

Lily stared at the ground, at her hands, out the window; at anything that wasn't James's sympathetic gaze. She simply couldn't take it right now.

"Lily..." he began hesitantly. Lily looked still further away and snapped, "don't!". The illusion that she was somewhere within the lines of okay was kept up until James tentatively wrapped his arms around her. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't know."

Lily let out a bitter laugh. "Of course you didn't know, you couldn't have! I haven't told anybody. Do you really think that I want people to know that the Ministry isn't even trying to find out who killed my parents? Do you think –" but this was too much for Lily, and for the second time in as many months she found herself crying in James's arms – something she'd never thought would happen. She let out a strangled sob – one of many that night – and buried her head in James's shoulder, another completely unprecedented event. James said nothing of it, merely stroked her hair reassuringly. "Shh," he said. "Everything's fine." They both knew it to be a lie. "I'm here." And for some reason, Lily found this comforted her a lot more than she would have thought.

–––––

The next morning, Lily didn't mention the previous night's events, and James followed suit. He figured she'd talk when she was ready, if such a time ever came.

They'd agreed to meet with McGonagall that morning about the plans for the ball, so after breakfast they separated from the rest of the seventh-years, who were going to Arithmancy – even Lily, possibly the biggest swot in the school, wasn't particularly disappointed to miss that – and made their way to McGonagall's office. Upon arrival, they looked at each other as if gathering courage and then James knocked. The response was a typically sharp "Come in!" so they pushed open the door and stepped cautiously into the lion's den.

McGonagall was sitting behind her desk, presumably grading papers, but she looked up when the pair entered. "Oh, Miss Evans, Mr Potter. You have the plans for the ball, I trust?"

"Yes, Professor." Lily handed her their notes from the previous evening. "The Ball is going to be in the Great Hall, starting at seven o'clock on the last Saturday in November, the 27th."

"Once everyone has arrived," James took over, "we'll have a dinner – the menu can be found here" (he indicated a page in the notes) "– after which the floor will be cleared for dancing. The music will come through a granny – gramma – gramme-thingamajig –"

"Gramophone," Lily interrupted. "I've bewitched it to work without electricity. It'll be a combination of wizarding and Muggle music."

"Yes, exactly. Gramme-thingamajig. That's what I said. So, thingamajig music, and then after a few hours, when it starts getting close to eleven, we're going to send fourth-years and under off to bed and continue for a while with just us older students."

"There will be refreshments available, buffet-style, at the edges of the room from about nine o'clock onwards, since dancing is hard work, as we all know." McGonagall gave a small laugh at this, something neither of them had seen before.

"The refreshments will, of course, all be non-alcoholic," James said with a wink that thankfully went unnoticed by the teacher. Lily slapped him reproachfully.

"Very well... there's only one thing left. What is your dress code?"

At this, both Head Students paled noticeably.

"Oh. It's, um..." James began.

"Uh... it's..." Lily seemed just as clueless.

"Er... Black and white! Yes, that's it. Black and white." Lily shot him a grateful look, something that wasn't lost on McGonagall.

"Good, good. And who will decorate the Great Hall?"

"That would be us, Professor – ourselves and the prefects."

"Excellent. Very well, you may go now. You both have Arithmancy, correct?"

"Yes, Professor," they chorused before leaving the room.

They walked towards the Arithmancy classroom, cursing the fact that their plans weren't any more complex. Now they would still have to sit through half of the most boring class known to the wizarding world (with the exception of History of Magic, of course).

When they arrived at the classroom, there was only one double desk left, a fact which did not surprise either of them (and bothered Lily a lot less than she'd have expected). They apologised to Professor Vector – "Head Duties, Professor, you understand" – and sat down in the empty seats near the back of the classroom (surely the first time Lily Evans had ever sat in the back of a class, and if it was in any way up to James Potter, definitely not the last).

After a few minutes of listening to Professor Vector's lecture, James leaned over. "Hey, Lily?"

"Hmm?" she replied distractedly, trying to keep track of what the professor was saying and scribble down everything written on the blackboard.

"I've been thinking..."

"Really? Thinking? Oh, I never thought I'd live to see the day."

"Hey, come on. I'm not such a... a... ne'er-do-well, am I?"

Lily snorted. "Ne'er-do-well? Where do you come up with this stuff?"

"Ah see, m'dear, it's called literature. You may have heard of it."

There was an indignant yelp, and James found yet another bruise forming on his arm. He should really control himself more around Lily (she was extremely violent, that girl was)... but this way was much too fun.

"Well, anyway, I've been thinking. As Head Students, you know, I think we should go to the ball together."

Lily's jaw dropped.

"What? James, are you asking me out _again_?"

"Would you like me to?" he asked with a grin. Lily expression turned to such a picture of fury that he held his hands up as in surrender. "Hey, hey – of course not. We had a deal, yeah? Deal holds. Until, you know, you change your mind..." he trailed off with another one of those impossible grins, and Lily felt something melting inside her (could it possibly be her heart?), but she ignored it and did her level best to fix him with a glare. "Deal holds."

"Right. Deal holds." James laughed. "But hey – come on. We're Head Students, don't you think it would be a good idea to show the school we can act civilly towards each other?"

"Isn't that what we're doing now? What we've been doing for the past few months? Showing them we can be civil?"

"Oh, Lily, you wound me! Has it all been a show for you?" James asked dramatically, holding his hands over his heart. Which, of course, earned him another bruise-to-be.

"No! Of course not, you know that. We're friends, right?"

"Yeah. We're friends. Which is why... we should go to the ball together."

"I don't know, James..."

"Why? Got someone else you were gonna ask?" there was a definite teasing note in James's voice now (but had Sirius been there, he would have heard the underlying jealousy).

"What? No, no, I just think it would give people the wrong idea."

"Like, they'd think we're dating?"

By now, Lily's cheeks were a nice shade of deep pink. "Yeah," she managed to get out. "Like that."

James laughed again, louder this time. "Aw, Lils, would that really be so horrible?

No, wait, don't answer that. But this just brings me back to my original point. We go as friends (and-slash-or Head Students), show the kids we don't hate each other any more" _Not that I've ever hated you_, he thought "and have a good time – as friends – while we're at it."

Lily pretended to think about it for a while.

"Come on, Lily. Don't make me do the puppy-dog-eyes again..."

"Oh, okay then," she said, laughing. "Only as friends, mind."

"Only as friends," James agreed.

It was only then, as the bell rang and Professor Vector dismissed them, that either of them noticed they'd missed the entire lesson.

–––––

Sirius, Remus and Peter were already in James's old dormitory when he literally bounced in with a huge smile on his face. Remus immediately looked suspicious, while Sirius asked (in an admirably disinterested tone, let it be said) "What's happened with Lily this time?"

"Oh, nothing... you know, from the fact that I'm going to the ball with her..."

If the Marauders had been girls, it's guaranteed that they would all have squealed at this point. As it was, however, Remus merely raised his eyebrows, and Sirius sat up so fast he hit his head on the bedstead. "You're _what_?"

"Going to the ball with Lily," James repeated, as if to a small child. "Only as friends, though... but hey, we're getting there."

"Since when have you and Lily been friends?" asked Sirius, confused.

"Since... I don't know, we just are."

"Well, that's good," Remus said. James shot him a look. "Isn't it?"

"Good? Moony, my friend, this is not good, This is totally awesome. This is... _supermegafoxyawesomehot_."

"Super mega whatsit?"

"Supermegafoxyawesomehot."

"All right then, mate. Good for you."

"Hey, guys?" Peter interrupted. "It's dinner time." Trust Peter to be concerned about food.

"It is?" James asked. "Crap! I was supposed to meet Lily five minutes ago."

Sirius waggled his eyebrows suggestively, and James began to see why Lily spent so much time hitting annoying people. He just glared at Sirius though, and said "Come on, Padfoot. We just need to make the announcement is all." He made to leave. "Besides, Lily usually eats with us anyway," he tossed over his shoulder as he left the room. Sirius's laughter at his denials followed him down the stairs and out of the common room as he broke into a run.

He reached the Great Hall half a minute later, slightly out of breath, and saw Lily looking at him disapprovingly. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" he said. "I was –"

"Talking with the guys, I know." Lily finished for him, and he could have sworn there was a hint of amusement in her tone. "Now come on, we have an announcement to make." And she actually grabbed his wrist and started dragging him, through the doors and up the aisle to the front of the room. It was only when they were half-way to the professors' table that James realised exactly what was happening and shook his wrist out of Lily's grip. He took a few quick steps to get to her side and hissed, "What was that all about?" Lily just laughed. "Payback," she whispered. "For the Quidditch game."

When they got to the front of the room, they turned to face the students (who, by now, were staring at them with curious expressions). "Oh," Lily said in surprise. "Apparently, we don't need to call you to attention. Well, that's good, I suppose."

James cut off her rambling. "Anyway, you might be wondering why we're here. Thing is, we have a very special announcement to make. Namely, the Winter Ball." A slight cheer went up in the crowd.

Lily had recovered enough to continue. "The Ball will be here, in the Great Hall, starting at seven o'clock on the evening of Saturday, the 27th of November."

"The dress code will be black and white," James continued smoothly, "and there will be a Hogsmeade visit this coming weekend for third-years and above to buy outfits if they so desire. First- and second-years are reminded that in case of so-called 'wardrobe emergency', school robes are black." An appreciative bout of laughter rose up from the crowd.

"Anyway, that should be all. So, see you then, and _bon appetit_!" Lily finished up, and followed James to the Gryffindor table to where the rest of the Marauders were sitting.

–––––

Later that evening, Lily and James were doing homework in the Head's Common Room when Lily suddenly looked up. "James?"

"Hmm?" James was doing his damnedest to concentrate on his essay on the advantages of non-verbal spells.

"I just realised... I don't know how to dance."

"Hmm?"

"James, are you even listening to me?"

"Mmhm."

"James!" Lily tossed a sofa cushion at him.

"Huh? Did you say something?"

"Yes! Jeez, James. I said I don't know how to dance."

"Really, now?"

"Yes, really. Muggles don't exactly go around ball-room dancing all the time, you know."

"But what about the previous balls and dances we've had at Hogwarts?"

"I, er, didn't go?"

"You didn't go? So you've never ever been to a ball? Aw, Lily, you've missed out on so much!" James jumped to his feet, all thoughts of non-verbal spells forgotten. "Come on." He extended a hand to Lily. "May I have this dance?"

"Why certainly," Lily drawled, imitating his tone. She took his hand and found herself spun up into James's arms in a waltz position, her face (once more) mere inches from his. James seemed to notice this as well, as he stared at her for a few moments before shaking his head slightly. "Yes. Well. Let's start simple: we'll just do the waltz today. So, you start like this..." Lily stepped on James's toes a bit at first, but quickly got the hang of it. They spent the rest of the evening waltzing around the small common room, until the clock on the mantelpiece struck midnight. "Well, I guess it's time to turn back into a pumpkin," Lily sighed.

"Huh?"

"Muggle fairytale."

"Oh. Well, good night, Lily."

"Night, James."

"Tomorrow, I'll teach you to tango."

_All right, hugeass A/N time! Firstly, I'm sorry it's been over two months since I last updated. It's just that a lot has happened (hasn't it always?), most importantly probably the fact that I went to Brazil for three weeks (it was _awesome_). I met some really awesome people there (if, by any meagre chance, you guys are reading this, I love you. You know who you are). _

_Secondly, I got really swamped by school work. I know, cliché much? But it's true. _

_In other news, my goddaughter was born :) she's adorable._

_Oh, would you look at that? Not so long after all. _

_Oh, and sorry about the supermegafoxyawesomehot thing :D but hey, Harry had to get it from somewhere, right? ;)_

_And just so you know, I walked like two miles to get to a place with internet so I could publish this :D so some appreciation would be nice ;)_

_And and and (what's with all the ands, eh?) since I'm stuck up in Lapland for the next week (and I really hate ski__ing) so you might even be getting chapter nine soon. Who knows?_

_And (last and, I swear) I put some stuff up on FictionPress, same user name. Go check it out, yeah? :)_


	9. Chapter 9

_Chapter Nine_

"So, ready to tango?" James asked with a glint in his eye Lily couldn't quite identify.

"Yeah, sure – actually, James, wait. We need to talk."

"Oh, Lily, surely you can't be breaking up with me already!"

"James!" Lily hit him again, and was prepared to do it again and again; because even though she was opposed to physical violence on principle, it was literally the only thing that worked on James. "Shut up. Can't you take this seriously, just for once?"

"Is something wrong, Lils? Is it Snape? Did he... do something?"

"No, James, nothing's wrong. And it isn't Snape. It's you, actually."

"Me? But I haven't hexed anyone for ages, even when they would've deserved it!"

"_James_. Just shut up and listen for once in your life, will you?" She waited a while, but no protests arose. "Thank you. Anyway, you haven't done anything – or rather, you have – but it's a good thing. I just wanted to say sorry for using you as a personal handkerchief, and thanks for letting me."

"Hey, it's fine."

"Really? You don't mind that I seem to spend a disproportionate amount of time crying on your shoulder?"

"Of course not, Lily. Why would I mind? I –" _love you_, he finished in his head. What he said out loud, however, was "I'm your friend. That's what friends are for, yeah?" If Lily noticed his slight hesitation, she didn't comment on it. Instead, she closed the distance between them and gave James a hug.

"Yeah. You know, though, in a weird way, you're kinda my best friend." He gave her a squeeze.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I don't know how it happened... but yeah."

"All the more reason to be your personal hankie then, eh?"

–––––

Gryffindor's second Quidditch match of the season was against Slytherin. Since Slytherin had lost to Ravenclaw by ten points, and Gryffindor had yet to play Ravenclaw, they had no way of knowing the team's level of skill, but James was optimistic.

The day of the match dawned grey and rainy, something that wasn't lost on Marlene McKinnon, the Gryffindor seeker and a great believer in superstition. The small fourth-year couldn't eat anything at breakfast, no matter how much James tried to convince the team currently gathered around him that they needed to eat or they'd be blown away by the wind. He himself, however, didn't touch a thing. After a few more minutes of practically shoving food down Marlene's throat, he stood up and said, "Right, team. Let's go." As he passed Lily he bent down and whispered, "You're coming, right?"

Lily nodded. "Wouldn't miss it for the world."

"That's the spirit." Lily rolled her eyes at the enthusiasm James displayed at the mere thought of her watching him play, but nevertheless rose and headed towards the Pitch after finishing her breakfast.

No matter how optimistic James had been, it had mainly been on the behalf of his team. He himself was having trouble concentrating, something due in no small part to the fact that a certain red-haired Head Girl had declared him her best friend. It wasn't exactly the declaration of everlasting, undying love that he'd hoped for, but hey, it was a step in the right direction and he'd be crazy not to take it. And James Potter was many things, but crazy wasn't one of them. Not when it came to Lily Evans – as long as crazy in love didn't count, he was actually quite sane in that department.

It took three jabs on the shoulder for James to realise that Sirius was talking to him. "Prongs, mate, time to go."

"Ah. Right. Go." He led his team out of the changing rooms and on to the Pitch to much cheering, trying his best not to look in the stands lest he saw Lily and lost all hope of even the slightest amount of concentration. However, five years habit led him to do a sweep of the stands before he could stop himself, and he spotted Lily's flaming head next to the slightly more subdued ones of Remus and Peter (he had actually managed to show up this time). She saw him looking in her direction and waved, and that's when James knew all hope was lost (however melodramatic that may sound).

Madam Hooch flew the Quaffle up, released the Bludgers and the Snitch, and the game was on, and James still couldn't think of anything but the fact that he was Lily's best friend, something he thought he'd never see.

Although, in a way, being Lily's best friend wasn't so hard – it's not like there were many candidates. Everybody knew that Lily was the type who kept to herself, which generally equalled little to no friends. It was only this year, as she began to get closer to the Marauders, that people began to refer to them as Lily Evans's friends, a term not commonly applied to anyone but Severus Snape, and not even him since the end of fifth-year.

A passing Bludger shook James out of his thoughts, and as Sirius hit it in the other direction, he yelled at James. "Prongs, get your head in the game, man! That's the third Bludger I've had to save your pretty little arse from!" James shook his head as if to clear it and acknowledged Sirius with a nod and a grin that could be interpreted as apologetic, and attempted to re-discover the thread of the game. Slytherin was up by about a hundred points – how was that possible? James could have sworn he'd only been out of it for a few minutes. But even as he watched, the Slytherin chasers scored twice in quick succession, bringing the score up to 120-0 in the snakes' favour and answering James's unspoken question. Oh.

He flew back towards the middle of the game, trying to banish away all thoughts of one very attractive Head Girl, but it was hard. One of his other chasers, sixth-year Jack Pritchard, threw him an odd look, but he ignored it (to the best of his ignoring abilities at the moment) and looked around for the Quaffle, turning just in time to see it once again fly past their keeper, Eli Campbell. 150-0 for Slytherin.

With a sigh, James turned his back to their goal and flew towards that of the Slytherins. Apparently understanding his intent, Elizabeth Spinnet, the final chaser, caught Campbell's pass and headed for the goal, tossing it to James at the last minute like they had practised so many times before. He aimed for the goal (or that's what it looked like), but the shot went wide and a green-clad chaser grabbed the Quaffle before anyone fully realised what had happened. James Potter, miss a shot? It was unheard of. James himself was still trying to process it when he heard Sirius fly by Marlene. "McKinnon, catch the Snitch as soon as you see it, understand? Never mind that we're losing by about a million points. With James playing the way he is, there's no way we're winning this game." Marlene nodded, and within five minutes, the game was over, with the final score being 190-150 to Slytherin. James called his team over.

"Listen, guys, good game." Sirius shot him a look. "All right, all right, it was a bloody awful game, but that's all down to me. You hear me, Campbell? The fact that those Slytherin scum slaughtered us has nothing to do with your skills as a keeper. It's my fault. I was... distracted." Cue another look from Sirius. "Now, I'm not saying that's an excuse, but it's all I've got. You're just gonna have to take this as a lesson on the importance of a fully-functioning team, yeah? All right, hit the showers." They all left, except for Sirius. James sighed. He knew exactly what was coming.

"You were distracted, huh?" Typical Sirius – direct and to the point. "This... distraction wouldn't happen to have anything to do with a certain red-head sitting next to Moony and Wormtail over there, would it now?"

"Well... um... it depends on how you look at it, really?

"Is that a question, Prongs?"

"No?"

"Prongs!"

"No, Padfoot, it's not a question. And quit sounding like McGonagall, will you? It's freaking me out."

"Hey! I do not sound like McGonagall, thank you very much."

"And there you go again."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Sirius said good-naturedly. "But hey – you okay, mate?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Actually, I'm better than fine. I am –" and here he lowered his voice conspiratorially "– I am Lily Evans's best friend."

"Wait, so we lost the match because you're Lily's best friend?"

"Yes?"

"Jeez, Prongs. Priorities much?"

–––––

The day of the ball came much faster than Lily was anticipating, and it was all too soon that she found herself standing in front of the mirror trying to decide whether to leave her hair down or put it up. Eventually, she decided on down, since her dress (white with a small black sash, as per the dress code) was sleeveless and an updo left her shoulders feeling naked, not a very pleasant sensation. With a sigh, she made sure her dress covered all the necessary parts, gave her curls one last fluff and stepped through to the Common Room, where she had arranged to meet James exactly one minute ago.

Evidently she wasn't the only one to notice this slight tardiness, as James (looking unexpectedly handsome in a white tux) peered at an imaginary watch and said, "Lily Evans, late? Who would have thought it." Lily did her best to look offended, and James laughed. "Come on, Lils, only joking. You look absolutely stunning, by the way, as always." He offered her his arm. "Ready?"

"Actually, James, I've been thinking..."

"That's never good, is it?"

Lily ignored him. "... are you sure this is a good idea? Us going together, I mean? Because people are going to think that..."

"Look, hey, we've been over this. Pretty much everyone knows we're only going as friends, and even if they didn't, it wouldn't matter, would it? We know the truth."

"I guess," Lily conceded with a sigh. She took the arm James was still offering and together they headed for the Great Hall.

_Well hello again. This must legit be the first time I update within a week since last time (usually it's more that a month...). Well, anyway. Should I say something intelligent? Maybe. So... um... did I tell you about how I'm stuck up in Lapland? Yeah? Well, today decided to be the day that my parents forced me out to the slopes, ergo I was in a bad mood, ergo Gryffindor lost the Quidditch match. _

_Also, at the beginning of this chapter, Duffy's _Mercy _kept playing in my head (you know, the 'yeah yeah yeah' part')._

_Oh, and one more thing: this chapter is dedicated to my self-proclaimed bestest fan, Accio a.k.a ThatEnglishHalfBlood or Italktosnakes._


	10. Chapter 10

_Chapter Ten_

The Great Hall looked wonderful enough for Lily's jaw to drop, even though it was mainly her who decorated it just a few hours earlier. The House Elves had been hard at work, Transfiguring the decorations as only they could to give them just a bit more sparkle. She turned to grin at James as they walked through the door. "We did good."

"Nah, Lils, you did good. It's all you." Even James seemed to be impressed by the extent of it all, as he refrained from making any sort of rude comments – and my, my, my, was that a compliment I see in there? Not that it was unusual for James to compliment Lily – he offered her a "Looking good there, Evans!" nearly every day in some shape or form – but rarely were they so truly sincere. Lily almost felt herself blushing.

Out of nowhere, Sirius and Remus jumped into their view, dragging their respective dates behind them. It seemed that the winner of Sirius's attentions that night was Elizabeth Spinnet, the Gryffindor Quidditch team's female Chaser and fellow seventh-year. Sirius had probably forcibly set Remus up with her friend, Alexa Bell. Both girls looked vaguely bored, even if Elizabeth was still silently gloating about being the one to accompany Sirius (not that he was paying her much attention), and as soon as they spotted Lily and James they turned to each other and began an animated discussion about something or the other. Lily honestly doubted that the topic would interest her in the slightest, even if the other girls had been her dorm mates for the past six years – she'd never really been that close to them, and it was gladly that she turned back to the Marauders' conversation, certain that anything would be better than listening to the two girls blather on about how said Marauders were certainly looking shaggable that night (not that she was inclined to disagree, but one thing she was definitely not inclined to do was discuss it with Elizabeth or Alexa).

Aforementioned Marauders (minus Peter – it seemed he was never around these days) were currently discussing Sirius's ongoing state of hunger, an ever-present topic seeing as Sirius was always hungry. And I really do mean always.

As a passing though struck Lily, she poked James's shoulder. "Hey. You. Should we announce something, maybe? Like welcome?"

"Or maybe like let's eat?" Sirius chimed in, ever-hopeful.

"Yeah, sure. Actually, it does seem to be dinner time..." James looked at his watch and winked at Lily. She laughed and grabbed his arm. "Come on, then, let's go before Sirius starves to death or something."

"Hear, hear!" Sirius shouted as they made their way through the crowd, James not releasing the hold Lily had on his arm. It was because of the tonnes of people on all sides of them, he told himself, but he knew it was a lie – and a pathetic one at that. However, Lily didn't seem to mind, she was content enough pulling him along by that hand until they reached the front of the room, and even then she didn't seem to be in any hurry to let go. So James took the chance and held on. If anyone in the audience noticed, they didn't say anything directly, but they could both hear the whispers when they were returning to Remus and Sirius after their short speech – "Welcome to the Winter Ball! I hope you all have a lovely evening, and now it's dinner time, because _someone_ is hungry" with a pointed look in Sirius's direction, to which he replied with a smile and a wave – at which point Lily hurriedly let go. James pretended not to notice.

They finally got to where Sirius and Remus (plus their still-deep-in-conversation-dates) were now holding down a table. "Eating time!" Sirius yelled like a four-year-old as soon as the Head Students had sat down (James holding out the chair for Lily, of course, and Lily accepting it with a blush and a smile), and he tucked in to the meal that had appeared from the kitchens. There was to be no more conversation for a while.

–––––

_Eating time_, as Sirius so quaintly classified it, went on for about forty-five minutes or so, until even the Marauders had finished eating. Lily's gramma-thingamajig had been playing music for a while now, and the seventh-years gathered around the table could sense that no one else had been eating for ages and they were all growing quite restless. So as a moderately slow song came on, James nudged Lily. "Hey. Let's dance."

"What, now?"

"Yes, now. Look, all the younger kids are bored. They need an example."

"Do we really _have_ to be that example? After all we've done?"

"You know, I'm gonna go with yes here. Consider it your last duty. Although, you'd think that dancing with me doesn't exactly count as a duty..."

"Oh, shut up," Lily laughed. "Fine, then. Let's go. But Elizabeth, Alexa, you guys are totally coming too." It took a minute or so to convince them, by which time the song was already ending, but l six ended up going out to the dance floor anyway and waltzing away to the next song.

Truth be told, Lily was feeling more than slightly ridiculous, waltzing around like that, but she began feeling a little better as some of the other sixth- and seventh-years came out to join them. _It's the wizarding world,_ she reminded herself. _They have customs, just like Muggles... some are just slightly outdated. _

"Knut for your thoughts," James put in suddenly, startling Lily.

"Actually, I was thinking that I feel ridiculous."

"Really? Well, let me tell you this: you sure don't _look_ ridiculous."

"I... oh. Thanks. You're not looking too bad yourself, Potter, to tell you the truth."

"Really, now? I knew you'd come around one day, Lilykins." And with that he dipped her way down, lower than should have been possible. _Damn those Quidditch muscles_, Lily thought. What she said, however, was more along the lines of "James! Let me up, now!" and had she not had to basically cling to James's neck in order to not fall to the ground, she would have hit him. Hard. When James finally let her back up again, she did and added, "And do _not_ call me Lilykins. _Ever_."

"Will do, Lilypie."

"Shut up." And another hit.

Alas, James's little stunt had not went unnoticed, and the students were for the second time that day left wondering (and whispering about) what the hell was going on between the Head Students (who, it might be added, had such obvious chemistry it was ridiculous). But Lily heard none of this whispered speculation, as the gramma-thingamajig (no one bothered to call it a gramophone any more) had now switched to a faster song and James was currently leading her in an intense tango, complete with the smouldering stare and the rose between his teeth. It appeared, however, that not all Hogwarts students were as well-versed in the art of Argentinian dancing as Lily and James, since upon finishing, laughing and breathless, they noticed that everyone else had cleared off the dance floor and were gathered around the edges of the room, watching (and still wondering. Always wondering).

"Oh," Lily remarked, still giggling.

"Oh, indeed, Miss Evans. Wherever did you learn to dance like that?" James's drawl from their 'dance classes' was back, and Lily imitated it simply for the hell of it, an excuse she hardly ever used but found herself enjoying more than she expected. "Why, Mr Potter, I do believe it was you who taught me."

"Was it really, Miss Evans?"

"Oh, Mr Potter, don't tell me you've forgotten me?"

"Dear, dear, dear, Miss Evans, what is this? I could never forget you."

All that the other students had seen up to this point was Lily and James, still locked in an embrace and staring at each other, but now they saw them turn to their audience (quite a feat, since said audience was really all around) and give overly exaggerated bows. "Thank you! Thank you!" James yelled, and threw the rose to Sirius, who clutched it to his chest. It was this scene that Professor McGonagall then walked in on – James and Lily, still grasping hands, in the centre of the room, bowing to the others, and Sirius clutching a mangled and somewhat soggy rose to his chest with one hand and reaching out to James with the other.

"Mr Potter, Miss Evans, a word please!" she called to them, and seeing who it was, they immediately walked over, James letting go of Lily's hand at some unknown point. "First of all, are you quite sure that Mr Black hasn't had anything... slightly more potent to drink?" she asked, glancing over to where Sirius was still pining over James.

"Uh, no, Professor, I'm afraid he's always like this," James answered, still grinning a bit.

"How... unfortunate. Can you not control him in the least?"

"I'm afraid not."

"Very well. Now, what I've come here to say is that it is half past ten –"

"Is it really, Professor?"

"Yes, it is, and you would do well to remember to not interrupt me, Potter."

"Sorry, Professor. But really? Ten thirty? We only just started!"

"Actually, Potter, you started about three and a half hours ago. Really, the younger students must get to bed."

"Fine, Professor. We'll take care of it." James seemed to be in a sulk.

"Whyever are you so sour, Mr Potter? You older students still have three hours left."

"Ah, there is that. Thanks Minnie, you're the best!" And so he bounded off to share a piece of some news or the other with Sirius, leaving Lily with Professor McGonagall.

"Are you quite sure Misters Potter and Black are quite sober?" she asked Lily, to which Lily couldn't help but laugh.

"Yes, Professor, stone-cold-sober. Unless high on life counts, in which case I'm afraid they're in a permanent state of intoxication."

"So it seems. But I will now go and leave you young people to it – but Miss Evans, please be so kind as to make sure all fourth-years and below get to bed, won't you?"

"Got it, Professor. Good night!" and with that, Lily left McGonagall to shake her head at the spiritedness of these youth and head for her bedchamber, praying to Merlin she wouldn't be woken up by any commotions, drunken or otherwise, at truly ungodly hours.

–––––

As soon as McGonagall had left, James began the surprisingly difficult task of gathering everyone's attention – when he and Lily, the main stars of the show, had left centre stage, most all people had gone back to dancing (and then of course there were the few snogging couples, but everyone generally ignored them). In the end, he resorted to casting a Sonorus Charm and yelling "_OI_!" People stopped in their tracks and turned towards him. "Works every time," he whispered to Lily after un-amplifying his voice.

"Now, guys, we know you've all had a really good time and all, but it's getting late –" a few of the older Slytherins sniggered "– and so it's time for all fourth-years and below to get going. Prefects, if you could please check that all your younger students truly leave... thanks." It took a minute or four, but eventually only fifth-years and older remained. "All right, guys – party in our Common Room!" James yelled with a grin. A huge cheer rose up. "Come on, Lils, we gotta go open the portrait _now_ so no one finds out our password. Sirius will show them the way." And James grabbed a still-very-confused Lily's hand and began leading her towards Uric the Oddball.

"Is there any particular reason you volunteered _our_ Common Room for this party?" she finally managed to get out.

"Plenty, actually: no little kids can sneak in, we have the power to throw them all out if we want to... less Slytherins... oh, and Padfoot and I hid the Firewhiskey in my room."

"Ah," Lily muttered, still not completely enamoured with the idea of Merlin-knows-how-many teenagers all shoving into their Common Room and getting overly drunk, but deciding to not think about that and enjoy the evening instead. She could do that. It was only one evening, after all.

–––––

It was a few hours later that James finally found Lily again. She wasn't regretting her decision in the slightest, since she'd forced herself to have some (or actually, more than just _some_ – and by the second shot, she was no longer forcing herself) Firewhiskey, and was finding that the effect was overall quite pleasant. It... dulled the edges quite a bit, so to say.

James wasn't exactly the picture of sobriety either, however, so he was in no position to lecture her over her figurative loss of innocence. Instead, what he came up with was a somewhat slurred, "Would you like to daaaansh, MishEvaaaansh?"

She replied in kind. "Why sherrrtainly, Mishter Potterrrr." And so they struck up a very slow waltz, the only thing either of them could remember (or manage without falling over). And gradually Lily's hand, previously resting in James's, found itself around his neck, and her other arm appeared to have migrated there as well, and James's arms slid around her waist in surprisingly fluid a motion considering his inebriated state. Lily found her head becoming quite heavy (and beginning to throb slightly, a taste of tomorrow's headache), and it seemed quite logical to rest it on James's chest. And so they swayed, until suddenly there was only one arm holding her close to him, and Lily thought she might have heard James whisper something. But then the arm came back, and everything seemed to be right in Lily's suddenly very tiny world again.

And then James pointed upwards. "Look, Lilsh, it's tishtlemoe... Mishtletoe."

Lily giggled. "Don't be shilly, Jamesh, it'sh November. Shilly Jamesh, no mishtletoe in November." Hiccup.

"No, Lily, look! It'sh a mishtletoe!" and because James's insisting was getting annoying, Lily spared a glance at the doorway above her (how did she manage to get into a doorway? Oh, well) and saw that there was indeed a sprig of mistletoe hanging above their heads. The thing about it was that it was purple, but that fact didn't seem to make a difference to either Head Student.

"Ooooopsh!" Lily said, punctuated with a giggle. "Naughty mishtletoe." She lifted a hand as if to shake a finger at it, but ended up staring at her hand instead, until a slightly bigger hand covered it. Lily followed the hand up along the arm until the shoulder and then lifted her eyes, only to meet James's hazel ones staring at her. "No, not naughty mishtletoe. Naughty Lilsh, Lilsh ishn't doing what Lilsh should be doing."

"What should Lilsh be doing?" All her attention was now focused on listening to the soon forthcoming answer.

"What should Lilsh be doing? Oh, shilly Lily, thish ish what Lilsh should be doing." And he leaned down towards her, and even in the depths of her drunken mind Lily understood that he was going to kiss her the second before it happened.

And kiss her he did. Lily had had a boyfriend or two, but never had she been kissed like James Potter kissed her then.

"Not naughty mistletoe indeed," she giggled when they came up for air. "Nice mishtletoe, very nice mishtletoe." With a flick of her wand, another mistletoe appeared next to the purple one already hanging above them. This one wasn't purple, but it was orange, but neither of them cared. "Oopsh," Lily said softly, before looking at James, but I don't quite think he heard her as he once more showed Lily exactly what you were supposed to do with mistletoe, but then again Lily wasn't the exactly only one being shown things that night.

And all around them, the students went on wondering.

_A/N: Whoa, this chapter has been a long time coming. Oh well. Like I always say, it's here now :) I can't believe I'm already in double digits :O_

_This one's dedicated to all my fellow Biggerstaffs, who had to listen to me while I was writing this chapter, first saying "stupid chapter nothing's happening" and then later "SQUEEEEEE EPICNESS" – epicness being, of course, closely related to one purple sprig of mistletoe._

_A few things: firstly, I apologise if the drunk part / the kiss was weird. Having never experienced either of these, I just kinda went with what I've read. _

_Also, I can totally imagine AVPM-Snape going "Would you like to daaaansh, MishEvaaaansh?" in that utterly silly accent of his. Ah, Joe Moses _

_And I would have uploaded this last night, but I got the stupid error message. Gah._

_Enjoy, and please review :)_


	11. Chapter 11

_Chapter Eleven_

You'd think that spending half the night snogging drunkenly in some doorway somewhere would drive a great big awkward wedge between you and your worst-enemy-turned-best-friend.

You'd also think that the entire school knowing about said drunken snogging would intensify that wedge.

As it was, neither happened.

Instead it brought Lily and James closer, meaning that they were now rarely seen without the other, and for the first time in his entire Hogwarts career James could be found more with a certain someone else that with his precious Marauders – something they were happy about, as James was finally getting 'in' with Lily, and sad about, as they were being pushed aside.

Under no circumstances, however, were Lily and James dating. Oh, no. They may have spent all their free time glued to the others side, but that was the extent of their physical contact. As if bound by some wordless oath, neither even dreamed of letting their lips once more touch the others'.

Well. That's a lie. We all know what James Potter's dreams are like.

Yet still neither made any sort of move on the other, since to the other they both seemed quite happy where they were at the moment and so neither knew that all the other wanted was to take it just that one step further.

Well. That's another lie. Everyone knew just how much James Potter wanted to take it just that one step further.

Everyone except Lily Evans.

And so they went about their lives in this peculiar little paradox.

–––––

One day in mid-December Lily suddenly realised that for the first time ever, she'd have to stay at Hogwarts over the Christmas holiday. After all, the Leaky Cauldron didn't seem quite as appealing for Christmas as it had in the summer, and... though she tried her hardest to block it out, the fact remained that she had no family (Petunia would undoubtedly slam the door in her face if she ever went looking).

It was as she was pondering this fact that James walked in, exhausted and sporting the jubilant expression that generally followed good Quidditch practises. All hints of joy, however, left his face when he saw Lily sitting in her armchair in front of the fireplace in the Head's Common Room, staring off into space and looking very much like a lost child. Chucking his various protective pads and whatnot off on the way, he rushed over to her, sitting down on the chair's arm rest. "Lils? What's wrong?" She didn't reply, caught up in dreading her first Christmas without her parents, and James gently pushed her shoulder. "Hey, Lils?" he asked again, this time managing to get a soft "Mmm?" out of her.

"Lils, what's wrong? Talk to me."

"It's Christmas soon," she said simply, her eyes glimmering with tears yet to be shed. "Christmas."

"What's that got to do with – oh," he replied, realising mid-sentence exactly how much it had to do with everything. And so James wrapped his arms around her, sinking into the chair beside her and awkwardly pulling her into his lap, and held her as the tears finally came.

It hit him then, as he smoothed her hair and whispered comforting nothings to her like so many times before (though usually in the middle of the night), how hard it must be for Lily to listen to all of the other students talk about how they couldn't wait to see their parents again, to remember each time that she'd never see hers again. He tried to imagine what it would be like to know he'd never see his parents again and shuddered at the mere thought. His hand, now rubbing her back in what was hopefully a comforting manner, stilled. "Oh, Lils," he whispered. "What are we going to do with you?"

Eventually, her heaving sobs quieted until they were no more than a steady river of tears silently chasing each other down her cheeks. He held her still, held her and said nothing at all, until finally she shifted in his hold to turn her damp face towards him. "Thanks," she whispered, the smallest attempt at a smile ghosting across her face, and once more he felt his heart breaking. Turning her face once more into the crook of his neck, she fell asleep within minutes.

James carried her carefully into her room, entering the sacred chamber behind the heavy mahogany door for the second time in his life. Now, with no urgent comforting to be done, he was able to glance around the room a bit. It was almost anally neat, as was to be expected of Lily, but it was showing signs of the recent stress she'd been under. The bed was made haphazardly, the desk that would usually boast books stacked by subject and piles of spare parchment neatly lined up was beginning to clutter, and a stray jumper or two had found their way to the back of the chair. None of this would be at all out of the ordinary, were the person in question not Lily Evans... but it was, and so the only-just-substandard room was yet another sign that seventh year was taking its toll on the best of them (not to mention the fact that she was still grieving).

He pulled back the corner of the duvet and set her down, contemplating whether it was wise to undress her and deciding against it. He settled for cautiously removing her shoes and cardigan and tucked her in, smiling at the way she instinctively curled into a foetal position, clutching the blanket like a lifeline. Backing out quietly, he whispered "Night, Lils," before shutting the door with a barely discernible thud.

–––––

James made his way to the Gryffindor Common Room in silence, hiding under his Invisibility Cloak even though curfew was still an hour or two away; he didn't particularly feel like talking to anyone except Sirius at that particular moment. Changing his mind about the common room, he pulled his ever-present mirror out of some inside pocket of his robes. "Padfoot! Where are you, mate?" He peered into the mirror with an odd intensity, until suddenly Sirius' shaggy black head appeared.

"Prongsie! How are you on this fine day, my dear fellow?"

"Padfoot, cut the crap. Where are you?"

"Oh, it's that kind of day again. Fine. I'm down near the Quidditch Pitch, why?" And suddenly James heard a distinctively feminine giggle from somewhere to the left of Sirius' head. That would explain it.

"I'll meet you up on the Astronomy Tower in five, all right?"

"Yeah, yeah, fine," came the disgruntled reply, and James shoved the mirror back in his pocket. In reality, Sirius could get to the top of the tower in two minutes, tops, but James, deciding to be chivalrous, had given him a minute or two to make his excuses to whatever lady friend had their turn that day.

Unsurprisingly, James reached the top of the tower before Sirius. He sat down in what he would have called their secret place, had that not sounded too five-year-old-ish, and left the Cloak on for a few minutes more – though it afforded no protection against the bitter December wind, it gave the illusion of it, and he wrapped it even closer around himself before remembering his wand and casting a Heating Charm. Sirius entered just as he was putting his wand away. He wasted no time sitting down next to James and asking, "What is it this time?"

"Padfoot, I can't leave her here for Christmas. It'd be... cruel, asking her to spend her first Christmas as an orphan alone."

"That it would," Sirius agreed. "That it would. So what are you gonna do about it?" Trust him to put it so bluntly.

"Well..." James said, trying to figure out how to put into words the idea that had been bouncing around his head in some form or another ever since he'd realised exactly what the coming of Christmas had to do with everything. "I was thinking... You like Lily, as a friend of course, right?"

"Are you kidding?"

"No, no... see I was thinking, we could invite her to come spend Christmas with us, couldn't we?"

"Indeed we could, Prongs, indeed we could. Besides, I'm sure your Mum's dying to meet her, after all she's heard over the years..."

"Oh. Crap. That."

"Yeah, that. But don't worry, I'm sure she'd manage to... contain herself. Somewhat."

"Yeah, because that's comforting."

"Sorry, it's the best I have to offer."

"Ah, well. We'll cross that hurdle when we come to it. But you're okay with this plan, right?"

"Did you not hear me ask you whether you were kidding? In case you missed Sarcasm & Figures of Speech 101, that would generally imply that I am very much in favour of this plan."

"Right, thanks, Captain Obvious."

"Any time, any time. Now tell me, have you and Lily talked about that kiss yet?"

"Uh... no?"

"Prongs! It's been, what, three weeks? You can't keep avoiding the subject forever."

"No, but we can try, can't we?"

"No! You _need_ to talk about it. This is extremely unhealthy, you know."

"Since when have you been some sort of relationship expert?" James asked, snorting at the thought of Sirius sitting in some office advising middle-aged women on how to get their husbands to love them.

"Since always. Now go write to your mother." Still laughing slightly, James did as he was told.

–––––

Hundreds of miles away from Hogwarts Castle, James's barn owl tapped on the window of his childhood home's living room. Elizabeth Potter looked up from the poem she was attempting to write, glad for the distraction. Letting the owl in, she untangled the letter from its leg, silently berating James for his excessive wrapping. The smile that had begun to crease her face spread as she read the letter – a scrawled "Dear Mum", then a few hasty lines about how school was going well, they won a Quidditch game and lost another one, normal stuff. And then began the point of the whole letter (she knew it from the way his handwriting was suddenly infinitely neater, as if each word was carefully planned out beforehand): could Lily possibly spend the holidays with them? This one sentence, so clearly printed, stuck out like a sore thumb. The following sentences, explaining exactly why she should do this, were a rambling jumble of words, as if he thought he was going to be denied and was trying to give as many reasons as possible in as short a time. Elizabeth shook her head at her son's sloppiness and sat down to compose a letter of her own; of course Lily could spend Christmas with them, such a silly question, and of course they'd be delicate about the loss of her parents, what kind of person did James think she was? She gave the letter to the owl along with a treat or two. "Go on," she told it. "Go make him feel like a hero."

–––––

And feel like a hero he did when he told Lily of his plans the following evening.

They were (once again) attempting to complete their homework in the Heads' Common Room, when James suddenly cleared his throat. "Um, Lils? You know how you said you were gonna stay here for Christmas?" Lily nodded, looking slightly confused – you'd think that after the sobfest of the previous evening, he'd at least attempt to avoid the subject. "Well, Sirius and I were thinking... how would you like to come home with us?"

"James, that sounds wonderful, really... but I couldn't possibly."

"Whyever not? My Mum would absolutely love to have you. She's being dying to meet you ever since I told her about the time you stuck my arse to my chair in second year."

"You told her about that?"

"Well, obviously. I was terribly impressed, you know."

"Sure you were."

"I was! Seriously. But hey, how about it?"

"No, James, really... I can't intrude on your family's Christmas."

"Are you fucking kidding me? You wouldn't be intruding, honest to Merlin. Come on, Sirius is gonna be there too."

"Oh, really, now?" Lily asked, her eyes gleaming mischievously. "Sirius too?"

"Indeed. Imagine that: Christmas with the better half of the Marauders."

"That does sound tempting..."

"Just say you'll come. You have no idea what it'd mean to my mum, honest – and me. I can't just leave you alone for Christmas."

"You could perfectly well leave me alone for Christmas, you know, I'd be just fine."

"Lils..."

"But okay, yes, fine, I'll come."

James let out a sound somewhere between victory and relief and flung his arms around Lily's neck rather over-zealously. She laughed. "Jeez, calm down already! But thanks." And for the second time in as many days a softly uttered thanks did wondrous if cracking, breaking things to James' poor confused heart.

–––––

It seemed the cycles of the moon had not a hint of compassion, because as luck would have it, the full moon fell on the day before Christmas, meaning that Remus had to stay at the castle over the holidays. Wanting to avoid the joyous commotion that always accompanied leaving the school, he headed to the Hospital Wing two days before school let out, opting instead to rest in the relative quiet offered in Madam Pomfrey's domain.

James and Sirius were heading up the last Quidditch practise of the fall season, working the players extra hard so as to try and prevent the inevitable fattening brought on by Christmas.

Lily was doing some last-minute homework in the Heads' Common Room when the portrait whole sprang open. "James?" she asked, confused; practise was supposed to go on for a while still, and it wasn't like James to cut them short. When no answer came in return, she lifted her head to see Peter standing in the doorway, a most unreadable expression on his face. That was odd... Peter had never shown much interest in Lily, excluding of course the long conversations of nights long passed in the Gryffindor Boys' Dormitory. "Hi, Peter. James and Sirius are at practise and Remus is in the Hospital Wing, if you're looking for them..." Peter didn't reply, merely took a step closer.

That was when Lily began to feel that something was not quite right.

–––––

Half an hour or so later, James was walking towards his common room with Sirius. They were laughing about something or the other – it had been a good practise – when they arrived at the portrait of Uric the Oddball, only to notice that it was hanging slightly open.

"That's odd..." James trailed off; it was extremely unusual for Lily to leave anything halfway, even something as small as doors. He pushed the door fully open and stepped in with a feeling of trepidation, barely noticing the small rodent that slipped past him and into the dark corridor.

The sight he met was not one he would ever have dreamed up, not even in his wildest nightmares. For there was Lily, curled up on the floor with her clothes torn and her hair all over the place, rocking back and forth and sobbing silently.

He took a tentative step towards her, and then another one, approaching her like he would a wounded animal as Sirius looked on from the doorway, shock rooting him in place. He reached out a hand, attempting to touch her, establish some sort of contact with her, but as soon as his hand got within a few inches of her, she let out a piercing scream, pushing him away and scrambling into the corner.

_A/N: don't you just love cliffhangers? I know I do ;)_

_anywhoo, I have about a million bajillion tests in the next two weeks, which obviously means I need to procrastinate loads. we'll see what happens with that._

_Oh and of course as soon as I figure out how to bypass one error message, I get the next one. But it's gone now (Y)._


	12. Chapter 12

_I don't think I should even try to make excuses at this point..._

_Chapter 12_

Sirius stood in the doorway, rooted to the spot. He wanted to turn away, to stop looking at Lily, but he couldn't; it was like someone had Petrified him, and not even his eyes moved. He stood and watched as Lily pushed James away, as he looked hurt for the shortest of moments before his expression became one of concern and he turned towards Sirius. "Sirius, go get Dumbledore. And Pomfrey. Now." James' tone was more than a bit commanding, but for once in his life Sirius didn't take the slightest offence. He merely turned on the spot, finally able to move again, and stepped into the corridor. That was when he broke into a run.

He arrived at the gargoyle guarding the Headmaster's office in record time, panting. "I – I need to see – Dumbledore," he gasped at the gargoyle, doubling over and resting his hands on his knees. The gargoyle eyed him distastefully.

"Password?" it demanded, in a tone so condescending that had it not been an emergency, Sirius would have kicked its ass into next week. However, it _was_ an emergency, and so he settled for saying, "I don't know the password! I don't even know what's happening. All I know is that it's a fucking emergency, and if you don't let me in I _will_ break your wings off." His breathing had slowed down, and he stared directly into the gargoyle's eyes as he delivered this threat in a perfectly even manner. _Stare it down_, he told himself, _just stare it down_. The gargoyle didn't budge, and Sirius narrowed his eyes very slightly. The gargoyle finally folded, and with a sigh and a muttered "this had better be an actual emergency" it began to move itself, very slowly. As soon as there was space enough to fit through, Sirius was off, taking the spiral staircase three at a time. He was more than slightly dizzy by the time he got to the top, but there was no time to wait for his head to clear. The world still spinning around him, he barged right into Dumbledore's office without knocking. The Headmaster was already standing, waiting for him, and he patiently waited a few seconds more for Sirius to get his bearings. Then: "What is it, Mr Black? I heard you tell my gargoyle something about a 'fucking emergency'". The swearword sounded so completely wrong coming from Dumbledore that for a moment, Sirius merely stared. Then he shook his head in a very dog-like manner.

"Yes, sir, it's an emergency. Lily Evans... I think she's been, um –" this was when his voice gave out as he began to finally realise the seriousness of the situation. He coughed and tried again. "I think she's been... raped."

Dumbledore's expression went from slightly concerned to full-out shocked in about oh-point-three seconds. "Are you serious, Mr Black?"

Sirius ignored the million and one smart-ass remarks he could have made and replied instead, "As a heart attack."

"Oh, Merlin," Dumbledore breathed. "Where is she?"

"In the Head's Common Room, sir."

"Right. Let's go."

"Sir, um, shouldn't we get Madam Pomfrey?"

"Right you are, Mr Black, right you are. Come on, let's get going."

–––––

In the Common Room, James was still trying to get Lily to respond. "Lily, come on. It's me. James. I promise I won't hurt you." After he'd repeated this mantra a few times, she carefully lifted her head off her knees to peer at him from under her tangled hair. Interpreting this as a small victory, James crawled closer, ready to move back if she so much as flinched. But she didn't. He stopped about a metre away from her, tentatively extending his hand as one would to a wary animal. Say, a hippogriff. "Lily? It's only me. Only James. I swear to Merlin, Lily, no one is ever going to hurt you again." What triggered it was unclear, but suddenly Lily launched herself at him, clinging onto his neck and burying her face in his shoulder. And so they sat there, James at a complete loss as to what he should be doing, but trying to comfort her nevertheless, Lily concentrating on clutching James' shirt so hard it almost choked him.

Minutes later, Dumbledore burst into the room, Sirius and Madam Pomfrey hot on his heels. James didn't think he'd ever seen the Headmaster burst into a room before, but that was definitely the right term in this case. The portrait hole flew open, hitting the wall with a small thud, and Dumbledore stormed in, his robes billowing behind him. He took one look at Lily, still clutching onto James for dear life, and motioned at Madam Pomfrey. "Poppy, if you'd..." Madam Pomfrey, now white as a sheet, nodded. Somewhere at the back of his mind, James felt slightly sorry for her – she can't have had to deal with too many cases like this, being only a school nurse and all.

Madam Pomfrey took a few hesitant steps closer. She gestured at Lily's shaking form. "Mr Potter, if you don't mind..."

"Oh," James said, "of course not." Trying to remove Lily from his person, however, turned out to be impossible. He shrugged at Madam Pomfrey helplessly, like _what can you do? _The young nurse sighed. "Very well, then. Miss Evans, can you hear me?" No reply. "Miss Evans? If you can hear me, I need you to say something." What came out of Lily's mouth was definitely not a word, but it was a sound, and that was something. "All right, Miss Evans. You're just in shock, I think, but we need to get you to the Hospital Wing just in case. Can you stand up and walk there for me?"

Lily tightened her grip on James' shirt.

"That's a no, then. Mr Potter, do you think you could..."

"Hmm? Yeah, of course." He loosened Lily's grip on his shirt slightly, just enough to awkwardly pick her up and struggle to his feet with her still in his arms. He smiled grimly at the irony – had Lily been more aware of her surroundings, she would have protested, but as it was she simply clung harder, desperate to keep James close to her person. James nodded at Madam Pomfrey as if to say, _go on, we're ready_. Without a word, she turned and exited the common room, James following closely behind with Dumbledore and Sirius bringing up the rear, the former looking angrier than either boy had ever seen him and the latter looking merely lost. Dumbledore said something under his breath, something that James didn't quite catch, but something told him it was a Disillusionment Charm. At least, he hoped it was... he didn't want anyone seeing Lily like this. Her attacker would probably get some sick satisfaction out of it, or something. The odd procession seemed to finally make James realise the magnitude of the entire situation, as his earlier helplessness and immediate concern for Lily was slowly beginning to morph into emotions much stronger and darker. Emotions like anger and hate. Anger at himself, for leaving Lily alone, and at her attacker, never mind that he didn't know who it was; even at Lily herself for opening the door to strangers, never mind that she was clearly the victim here. Anger at Dumbledore, futile as it was – Hogwarts was supposedly one of the safest places in Britain, after all. And the hate... it clawed at his insides, all-consuming; he kept up a calm, if slightly worried façade, but inside he was steaming, fuming. He wanted to get his hands on whoever had done this to his Lily, whoever had broken her in spirit and body. He wanted to get his hands on that low-life and wring his neck until he screamed for mercy, and even then he wouldn't stop, he wouldn't stop until that foul, loathsome creature was dead, because no one touched _his_ Lily. He wanted this so badly it was like a physical ache, and at the same time it scared him; excluding the occasional jinxed Slytherin, James had never considered himself a violent person. And certainly not revengeful. Never revengeful. And now he felt like he couldn't rest until whoever had hurt Lily was dead and cold, six feet under. Preferably _sixteen_ feet under.

Dumbledore had long since strode to catch up with Madam Pomfrey, and as they neared the entrance of the Hospital Wing, Sirius jogged a few steps to catch up with James. "Hey. You okay, mate?"

"What do you bloody _think_?" James almost growled at Sirius, regulating his tone of voice just in time. It wasn't fair to take it out on his best mate.

"Sorry. I... I don't know what to think. It's so weird, to see Lily like this..."

"You think?" This time, James let some of the anger and bitterness creep into his voice. "I'm gonna find whoever did this to her, and then I'm gonna kill him. Then I'm going to learn Dark magic, bring him back and kill him all over again. Wash, rinse and repeat."

Sirius gave a humourless laugh. "Come on, mate, is this git really worth life in Azkaban?"

"_This git_ possibly ruined Lily's _life_. And besides, I'm not going to Azkaban if I don't get caught."

"Come off it, Prongs. Don't you think you'll make it even worse for her if you end up in Azkaban for ever?"

"I'm killing him," James repeated stubbornly, even if some of the resolve etched into his face was fading. For once, Sirius's logic made sense, even if James would never admit it.

"Fine," Sirius sighed, recognising James's expression all too well. "You know where to find me if you need help hiding the body."

James almost smiled, then seemed to remember the situation and turned it into a soft "thanks" instead.

They had reached the Hospital Wing. James kicked open the doors that had already closed after Madam Pomfrey and Dumbledore, resisting the urge to grin at finally crossing off another entry on his mental '100 Things To Do Before I Die' list. Madam Pomfrey was already fussing around a bed in the farthest corner, so that was where James headed. The curtains were drawn aside, so it was easy to gently set Lily on the bed. Or it would have been, had she not still been clinging to James tighter than a child clings to his safety blanket. Breaking his heart into a million pieces in the process, he gently reached behind his neck and pried Lily's fingers apart. A small noise escaped her mouth – it was still nowhere near actual words, but it was so clearly protesting that the million pieces of James's heart broke again and again, and even Madam Pomfrey's expression turned to one of pity. Lily sat there on the bed, still in the same position as when James had set her down, not moving an inch. She wasn't even shaking, like James thought people in shock did, just sitting there and staring into space, looking more like a lost child than ever. He dragged over the nearest chair and sat down next to her bed, reaching for one of her hands and holding it tight. She curled her fingers around his, squeezing gently, and he looked up in surprise. She showed no other signs of alertness, however, so he merely squeezed back, attempting against all logic to send her all his life force, his energy, every positive feeling he could summon – not that there were many. Meanwhile, Madam Pomfrey fussed over Lily, checking for any external injuries. Apparently finding none, apart from the occasional scratch and bruise, she looked up at James apologetically. "Mr Potter, I'm afraid you need to leave now..."

Lily looked up, panic-filled, and the grasp she had on James's hand tightened to almost painful. "He – he can stay," she whispered, the first words she had spoked since James had found her. Madam Pomfrey looked about to agree, albeit reluctantly, when Dumbledore stepped in. "Mr Potter. I believe Madam Pomfrey asked you to leave? Come, I'll accompany you." He grabbed James's arm and steered him to the doors of the Hospital Wing, back to where Sirius was waiting. "Mr Potter, I'm sure I don't need to clarify to you exactly how traumatising this evening has been for Miss Evans. Please, allow her and Madam Pomfrey a few minutes of private time." Chastised, James nodded. The Headmaster looked pensive. "I wonder... do either of you have any idea who it might have been?"

Both boys shook their heads, James barely resisting the urge to add _but they better hope I never find them_. He had a feeling that Dumbledore wouldn't have appreciated his threats, no matter how noble they were. Dumbledore nodded, then turned and strode in the direction of his office, leaving James and Sirius alone in the corridor. Sirius slid down the wall to a sitting position, resting his elbows on his knees and hanging his head. After a minute, he resurfaced, looking haunted. James tensed, knowing that nothing good could come from his best friend when he looked like that. He waited.

"That was a lie," Sirius finally said.

"What was?"

"What I told Dumbledore. That I have no idea who it might have been."

"You... you know?"

"James, you know when we were going into the common room?"

"Yeah...?" James also knew that when Sirius called him by his first name, it was serious.

"I... saw something. Out of the corner of my eye." He took a deep breath. James waited. "A rat."

James's eyes flashed as he jumped to the only possible conclusion. "Wormtail." He spat the name. "I'm going to fucking kill that idiot! What was he thinking?"

_Yay, cliffhanger, whoop-de-do, et cetera. I realise it's been two months since Chapter 11, but I hope that if there's anyone still reading this (apart from you, Alice) I hope this answered questions and did itself justice :) all the hate and anger and whatnot._

_Next chapter should be out relatively soon, but you never know._


	13. Chapter 13

_DON'T get used to updates this often. Seriously. The only reason this came so soon after 12 is that I was on a plane for three hours plus on a forced siesta for another two with barely anything else to do._

_Plus the fact that we're getting to the good stuff now, and I kinda wanted to see where this was going. No, I don't know either. All I know is the ending, and that some of you are going to absolutely _hate_ me for it. Ah, well._

_PS – thanks to everyone who reviewed 12, made my day. *glares at certain people*_

_Chapter Thirteen_

James and Sirius stared at each other, James breathing heavily, Sirius watching him with a conflicted expression. Finally, Sirius spoke. "No, you won't. Not until we know it was him. It could have been just a random rat, you know..."

"It was him." James's words were sharp and clear, and his expression was determined. "I know it was him. Think about it, when have we last seen him? I bet he's been stalking her. He better be halfway to Timbuktu by now. Because if I find him... I'll tear his limbs off, I swear I will."

"James, come on. No one's killing anyone tonight, least of all you. Remember that thing where Lily kinda needs you right now? The one where you're the only person on this entire _planet_ that she trusts, and right now she's more vulnerable than she's ever been before? The one where no one knows what stupid things she'll do if you get thrown into Azkaban and leave her right now? James, I've seen it happen. Years back, my cousin Andromeda... she was assaulted too, by her sister's fiancé. Her fucking sister's fiancé, can you believe? Though, considering my darling cousin Bellatrix and her Death Eater pals, I'm not that surprised. But, James, she had nobody. She lived with her family back then – had to live in the same house with Bellatrix, with Rodolphus coming over every other day, with her mother and Narcissa looking at her like she was something the cat dragged in. She lost it, man. Went completely nuts. She ran away from home, but there wasn't anywhere she could go, so she lived on the streets for a while, with a chronic hangover to boot. It's lucky for her that my Uncle Alphard took her in... now she's married to a Muggle, disowned as a Black and a happy mother, but it was close. Do you want that for Lily? Do you want to read the Daily Prophet in your dingy cell in Azkaban and find out that way that she was found dead in a ditch somewhere? Justice will be had, mate, but it's not your job to take care of it. You need to focus on Lily right now."

At some point during this speech, Sirius had stood up. He was now pacing the floor in front of James, breathing heavily and glaring daggers at his best friend. "I know you're not an idiot, Prongs. You're one of the brightest kids in the year. But frankly, at the moment, you're acting dumber than Wormtail in Potions. And that's saying something."

For a minute, it had looked like Sirius was getting through to James, but then he made the mistake of mentioning Peter again, and angry-James was back.

"I'm going to kill him, Sirius. I'm going to kill him for what he did to her."

Sirius sighed. "Were you fucking listening to me just now?"

"Yes, it was very sad and all. I'm still killing Peter."

"James, come on. We don't even know it's him."

"I know."

"You can't _know_. Let's just see how Lily is first, okay? She's our – your – priority right now."

"Fine. But Peter's a dead man."

Sirius looked up to the heavens in desperation. "Fine! Kill Peter, if it makes you happy. But I'm telling you now, killing people is something that'll shape your person forever, even if, by some stroke of exceedingly _dumb_ luck, you don't get sent to Azkaban. You'll never forget that _you_ were the cause of someone's life ending. When you kill someone, you can't bring them back if you start regretting it! They're gone. They cease to exist. What if you kill him, and it turns out to not be him?"

James looked up sharply. "Who've you killed, and why haven't I heard about it before?"

"No one. What makes you think that?"

"_Sirius_."

"I swear, I haven't killed anyone. I could never do that. Who do you think I am, a Black?" His voice simply oozed bitterness and hatred. "But when I was around twelve, I was watching Regulus at the Muggle playground near our house – in all his pure-blood mania, he still loved that place – just reading a book or something, you know. Then I heard a scream, and saw that Reg was... he was standing at the top of the climbing frame with a Muggle child – she can't have been more than five years old, and Reg was trying to make her jump. It would have paralysed her for sure, probably even killed her – and Reg was standing there with a huge grin on his face. When he saw me looking, he winked at me – winked. Can you believe it? – and pushed her.

"I'll never forget her scream, James. She was a helpless little child, and my nine-year-old brother tried to kill her for kicks. If I hadn't had my wand on me, he would probably have succeeded. How do you think that felt? And now you're talking about killing one of my – one of _our_ – best friends like it's nothing."

Sirius's expression was now fully imploring as he stared down at his blood brother, his best mate. A potential murderer. "James, you're a good person. I know it. If you killed Peter... you couldn't live with yourself. You'd end up taking your own life in guilt, or going completely insane in the very least, and then Lily would be all alone. How can you even contemplate that, let alone talk about it so calmly, like it's nothing?"

James sighed. Heavily. Multiple times. Then, finally, he nodded. "You're right. I hate to admit it, but you are." Another sigh. "But Peter still has some pretty heavy hexes coming his way."

Sirius nodded. Now that James was no longer homicidal, the rest would be easier.

Suddenly, Madam Pomfrey's head popped out of the Hospital Wing doors. "Mr Potter? She's asking for you. You too, Mr Black."

James jumped to his feet and was at the door in a second, not pausing to acknowledge the school nurse before pretty much dashing to Lily's bed. Sirius smiled at Madam Pomfrey and whispered, "thank you" before joining James at Lily's bedside.

–––––

Lily was lost.

Physically, she knew she was in a bed in the far corner of the Hospital Wing, and she knew that James had carried her there. She knew that it was nearing midnight two days before the Christmas holidays. She knew the approximate value of pi to fifteen decimals. She saw James coming, and she knew that everything would be all right, at least temporarily.

She knew a lot of things, but what she didn't know was what exactly had happened.

It was something bad, she was sure of that. She hurt all over, in places that she didn't think could hurt, and as James got closer she could see that his expression was equal parts concern, relief and fury. Something bad had happened, and she had no idea what.

Well. She had an idea, but it was too horrible to contemplate. She didn't want to think about it, so she pushed it into the very far reaches of her mind and did her best to ignore it at all costs.

James finally reached her, leaning down to envelop her in a bone-crushing hug. He pulled back to see her face, and she smiled. "Hey."

"Hey," he replied, barely containing his grin. All the fury had vanished from his expression. It was all relief now. "You're conscious."

"Yeah, Madam Pomfrey gave me a potion or something for the shock."

"I love that woman," James declared as Sirius approached them at a far more leisurely pace. "Hey, Lily," he smiled. "Glad to see you're awake."

"Yeah," Lily replied. "I'm kinda glad to be awake, too." But with the awakening came the memories, slowly but surely. And no matter the cheery if rather tired front she was putting on, the images in Lily's mind were not ones she wanted to dwell on. Not ones she wanted at all. But she had to ask – she had to know. Had to make sense of the distorted images that nearly made up one evening. Had to know whether or not the idea at the very back of her mind was merely a nightmare.

"James... what happened to me?"

All the relief vanished from James's expression. His face turned stony, introvert, and finally it took on the guise of one delivering the news of a relative's death. "Lily..."

"Just tell me," she said, pressing her fingers to her temples. "Don't sugar-coat it. I need to know."

In a way, this statement more than anything reassured James that, eventually, Lily was going to be all right. She might never be exactly who she was again, but she'd make it through this. She'd survive. She was a fighter.

"Lily," he started again. "You... We're pretty sure that you – you were raped."

Lily's eyes closed, and the hands that had been rubbing at her temples fell into her lap. James immediately reached for one of them. "Damn," she said softly. "It was true."

"You remember?"

"Bits and pieces. Oh, Merlin, I don't want to remember the rest of it."

"Do you... uh, do you remember who it was?"

_Yes, your slimy friend Pettigrew. I never did like him much. _The venom in her own thoughts surprised her, but she didn't say it out loud. James's world had been confused enough tonight, it wasn't fair on him to shift it even more by telling him his best friend had been the one to do it.

"No," she lied. "I can't remember the face." She'd never been too good a liar. James saw right through her.

"Lily, we know. It was Peter, wasn't it?"

"I... I think so yeah."

James whirled around to face Sirius. "I told you it was him! I knew it. I just knew it. I'm going to kill –"

"No, you're not," Lily and Sirius said simultaneously. They looked at each other in surprise.

Sirius went first. "Prongs, come on. We've been over this."

"And besides," Lily added, "You're not going to Azkaban. Not for me."

"But – what's wrong with you two? Lily, he fucking raped you!" Lily flinched at his words, but James had more to say. "Justice. I'm not some homicidal maniac, I want justice!"

James, calm down. Don't you think I want justice too? I'm the victim here, remember? But you killing Peter isn't going to make it better. Get it into your head already. Justice_ isn't your problem_." Sirius turned to face Lily, even more surprised at the way she was paraphrasing his arguments from minutes earlier. "Great minds think alike, Lils," he said, grinning. "See, James? You won't do it for me, so do it for her. Do it for your unborn children." Both Lily and James turned to glare at him for that remark, and Sirius's gaze dropped to their hands, still conspicuously grasped. Lily sighed.

"James, I don't care who or what you do it for, just please, don't kill Peter. He's not worth it." She turned to face him, focusing her imploring gaze on him, only him.

James sighed. "Fine! Fine. But I'm not letting him get away, either."

"Of course not, mate," Sirius agreed. "Now, change of subject, anyone? Lily, how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine, Sirius. Really."

"Come on, don't give me that bullshit. You're not fine, no matter how much you might try and pretend you are. Need I remind you what happened, what, three hours ago?"

"No, you don't, actually." Her voice was cool, detached. She was retreating back into her shell. "I was _there_, see. You want to know how I feel? Fine. I hurt all over. I hurt in places I didn't know could hurt. And that's only the physical part of it! I don't know who I am any more. Up until today, I knew who I was – Lily Evans, Head Girl. Gryffindor. Top student. I knew how to act around people, I knew how to react to situations. Now, I don't know any of that. I know my name. I know that I trust you, James, and by extension, Sirius. That's all I know. I don't feel like a Gryffindor any more, nor do I feel like Head Girl. I feel like... I don't even know! I – I'm like an empty shell of a person, James. Everything I knew – or thought I knew – is gone. And you're arguing about killing someone. How do you think that makes me feel? You're so wrapped up in getting your revenge that you aren't thinking about me at all, even if you tell yourself that you're doing it all for me."

The tears were flowing freely by the time that she finished this little monologue, and she turned her head away, as in shame. James just sat there, stunned, not quite knowing how to react. Then instinct kicked in, and he did what he would do in any other crying Lily situation – slowly, cautiously, he climbed into bed beside her and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. He kept the slightest distance at first, ready to back off if Lily so wished. But him backing off was the last thing that Lily wanted at that exact moment, and so they sat there in the narrow hospital cot, Lily half-way on James's lap, James's feet hanging off the side of the bed – it was possibly the most awkward position that either of them could twist themselves into, but at that moment it was all they needed. Lily, broken inside, needed to know that someone – anyone – gave a damn about her as a person; James, more worried than he'd ever been about someone other than himself, needed to know that Lily was all right. If Lily was all right, the world would eventually right itself, even if it was currently spinning way off course. James's hand found the old circular pattern on Lily's back, and Lily's fingers tightened on his shoulders, and it was easy to pretend that nothing was wrong, that both their lives hadn't just taken a turn for the worse.

–––––

Sirius, still sitting in the chair beside Lily's bed, smiled to himself despite the stress of the evening. Just looking at the pair tangled on the bed gave him tiny pangs of jealousy – no matter how many girls he took to the Astronomy tower, he'd never find what James had with Lily, even if neither of them was going to acknowledge it for a while. It almost physically pained Sirius sometimes, to watch this obviously made for each other couple dance around the subject, even going as far as sharing a drunken kiss or ten one night, but then refusing to admit to it. One step forward, three steps back. And yet, as soon as anything happened to Lily, James was there in a heartbeat. James was the person she trusted completely, and James was the one person who could comfort her, who could calm her down if something happened. Sirius smiled, but it was a sad smile.

–––––

On the bed, Lily cried. She cried for her family, but in a way she was glad – she didn't want them to see her like this, and she was, for the first time, thankful that they were dead. Then she cried at the horribleness of that thought, she cried because she was sure that she was slowly but surely turning into an insufferable bitch. She cried for Petunia, never mind that Tuney absolutely refused to admit they were in any way related, and she cried for their family home that her spiteful sister had taken for herself. She cried for all the memories she'd lost, memories that she'd never get back, because Petunia wouldn't let her back into the house to get anything, not a single photo album.

She cried for her and James, for their relationship that never seemed to be going anywhere but tears. She cried for her own stupidity, wishing she could pull herself together for once and make the first move.

She cried for a lot of things, but mainly she cried for herself. For her broken trust, for the fury gnawing at her insides, the fury she'd never let anyone see. She cried for her weakness, for not doing anything and just standing there in shock as Pettigrew came closer and closer, a greedy look in his eyes.

She cried for her resolution to get over it, to never again show anyone the slightest sign of weakness. She cried, and she cried, and she cried, until eventually she was all cried out. With a sigh and one last sniff, she fell into an uneasy sleep, leaning completely on James; her head on his shoulder, her body draped across his lap, their arms and legs tangled in some semblance of comfort.

–––––

James sat perfectly still, never moving apart from the occasional readjusting of his arms or legs, and of course the unceasing circles his hand rubbed into Lily's back. He sat there as she cried, and after a while he was sure that the human body couldn't hold that many tears. Yet still they came, more and more, and he didn't know what else to do, so he just sat there. Finally, her sobs subsided, and she fell asleep, curling into his body like he was her own personal safety blanket – which, in a way, he supposed he was. "I'm sorry," he whispered into her hair, apologising for everything and anything he'd ever done, but mainly for ignoring her in her time of need, which was a horrible thing to do.

They sat there for a while, and James supposed he must have fallen asleep for a while, since he jolted back to attention a while later when Madam Pomfrey carefully tapped his shoulder. Sirius was gone, and the windows were completely dark, so it must have been some time after midnight. The nurse looked at their knot of limbs suspiciously, but all she said was, "Mr Potter, I'm afraid you need to go now," for the second time that evening. "It's getting late, and Miss Evans needs her sleep."

He nodded, too tired to argue with her. Carefully, he untangled Lily's legs from his, removing himself from under her and setting her back on the bed.

"I'll be back in the morning," he said, looking at the nurse as if daring her to disagree. It was a Saturday, the last day before the train, and all normal activity was suspended in favour of packing.

"Very well," she replied with a tired nod. It had been a long day, and all she wanted was to get James out so she could go to bed.

James leaned down to drop a kiss on Lily's cheek before leaving the Hospital Wing.

–––––

As much as he would have wanted to, James couldn't just fall into bed as soon as he got back to his common room. The first thing he did was to clean up some – right the chairs that had fallen, Scourgify the floor, repair the few tears in the sofa that were sure signs of the fight Lily had, eventually, put up. Then he retreated to his bedroom, searching for a scrap of parchment and a quill with tired eyes. Finally locating these, he fell into his chair and started to think. How to tell his mother about these recent developments? It had to be done, and it had to be done before Sunday.

_Dear Mum_, he scrawled.

_You know how Lily's coming for Christmas as well? There's something you should know about that..._

_Tonight, when me and Sirius came back from practice, we found her in a mess on the floor. It was horrible, Mum, and that was before we realised what had happened – she'd been... raped. I hate to even write the word, but you need to know. She's a mess, even though she's trying her hardest to hide it, and she really needs me. Now more then ever I can't bear the thought of her spending her first orphaned Christmas alone. Lily needs me, Mum, and I think she needs you too, she needs a mother. Her own mother's dead, and if it wasn't such a cruel thing to say, I'd say I was glad – this is something no mother needs to witness her own daughter going through. It's bad enough for me, her – what am I? I don't know, Mum, I don't know what I am. I'm falling to pieces myself. I'm so glad we're coming home on Sunday. Will you meet us at the station? I want you to meet Lily as soon as possible._

_Much love, James._

Unable to face the long walk to the Owlery where his owl Kenny resided, he merely stumbled to the window and leaned his head out, calling for Kenny. When that didn't work, he pulled out his wand and muttered "_Accio_ Kenny!" in the general direction of the Owlery. The owl arrived within seconds, looking pleased as always to see James. He tied the letter to the owl's leg with minimal greetings and said, "Take it to Mum, Kenny, that's a good boy," before just about tossing the owl out of the window and collapsing onto the bed, in a deep sleep before his head hit the pillow.

_Say hello to the longest chapter yet! Or, actually, I suppose it's time to say goodbye. You know. This was a chapter of insanely long monologues and random Sirius backstories that had nothing to do with anything but I liked coming up with anyway. It featured angry James, concerned James and confused James, as well as utterly fatigued James. Other stars included lost-little-girl-Lily, indignant Lily and weepy Lily – that one paragraph had the word _cried_ 17 times. I counted._

_I tried to end this chapter at least three times before the actual ending came, and that's how I ended up with very nearly 3,8k words, which is a personal record per chapter. I've always written short chapters. So, yay. Or something. _

_Like I said up there, though, don't get used to updates every second day. It's not something that's going to keep happening._

_So, I hopes you enjoyed – let me know ;)_

_PS – props to the person who guesses where Kenny got his name from :D _


	14. Chapter 14

_So, funny story. This is the third time within two weeks that I'm updating._

_Another one – we were in this restaurant one night, and the food took forever, so I started drafting this chapter on a paper bag._

_Third one – Kenny got his name from Kennilworthy Whisp, the author of Quidditch Through the Ages. No one got it. Well, two people did, with LOTS of help. So they don't count *winks*. No one gets virtual cookies, sorreh. _

_Chapter Fourteen_

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, long-time Headmaster of Hogwarts, liked to think that he knew everything that went on under his nose. However, when his Head Girl was raped in the Head's Common Room, he had to admit that this was not the case. He had to admit that maybe the Head's private quarters were not the best idea, even if he couldn't deny that he had the tiniest of match-making ideas when he decided to try them out this year, with these Head Students.

He had to admit that no matter how much he wanted to ignore the problems and curl up in front of the fireplace with a book and a pair of thick woollen socks, he had to go and be the Headmaster that everyone looked up to.

–––––

True to his word, James appeared at the Hospital Wing early on Saturday morning, only to be greeted by closed curtains around Lily's bed. Madam Pomfrey rushed up to him, herding him quietly backwards.

"The Headmaster's in there with her now, Mr Potter, I'm afraid you'll have to wait a moment."

James nodded tiredly and sat down on one of the chairs next to the Hospital Wing's doors, determined to wait until Dumbledore left. He'd left Lily without any explanations the night before – never mind that she'd been sleeping and the school nurse had all but shooed him away with her wand – and he wanted to get back to her, as soon as possible. He wanted to see that she was still coping, still on the border of all right – still alive.

And yet, as he sat waiting for the Headmaster to finish presumably interrogating Lily, he realised he had yet another problem: what to say about Peter? He wanted justice, needed justice, but would he get it if he turned Peter over to the Headmaster? Would he merely be expelled with a slap on the wrist and a warning never to do it again?

But if he said nothing, could he really bring himself to deliver justice? Could he make himself kill one of his best friends? Because no matter how beyond furious he'd been the night before, now in the light of a new day he saw that Sirius and Lily had been right, as usual. Killing Peter would not make anyone feel any better, least of all himself. Then again, Peter _was_ the one who'd landed them all in this situation... James could have followed this cycle of thought around for hours, had the Headmaster not chosen that very moment to exit the curtains surrounding Lily's bed. He walked over to where James was sitting, James not looking up until the shadow the older wizard cast fell right in front of him.

"Ah, Mr Potter," Dumbledore remarked pleasantly once he'd finally attracted James's attention. "How are you?"

"Me? I'm fine, sir, just fine. It's Lily I'm worried about."

"And while that is very admirable, one must remember to worry about oneself once in a while. So, we shall try again. How are you, Mr Potter?"

"I..." James hadn't meant to, but the old Headmaster's fatherly attitude had burst the seals holding his mouth shut. "I don't know what to think, Professor. I mean... Lily was – Lily _is_ one of the strongest people I've ever known, not counting Sirius, Remus and perhaps my dad. To see her like this... It just gets to me, you know? It makes me think, what if? What if everything just... fell apart? If all the strong people fell apart? What would happen to the world then?

"Not to even mention the fact that my scumbag so-called best mate is the reason for all of this..." James trailed off, clapping a hand to his mouth in a fashion that would have been almost comical in a different situation. Dumbledore almost smiled.

"It's quite all right, Mr Potter – Miss Evans has told me about Mr Pettigrew."

"She has?"

"Yes, just this morning. I must say, it's such a shame to see such a promising young boy to go that way... he could have gone far, yes, but now it's very doubtful. Acts like this tend to show more of a person's character than everything else they do combined. Yes, Mr Pettigrew could have gone far."

James, having helped Peter through many a Transfiguration (and History, and Charms, and Potions, and Arithmancy, and Astronomy) lesson, was inclined to disagree, but rather disinclined to do it out loud. So instead he asked, "What's going to happen to Peter?"

This time, Dumbledore actually smiled. "I knew we would get to that question eventually. Mr Pettigrew has been sent home, with a very clear request not to return after Christmas. A tutor will be arranged for him to pass his N.E.W.T.'s, if he so wishes. As for pressing charges, I believe that is down to Miss Evans."

James nodded, disheartened. Expulsion and possible charges? That was nothing – at least it seemed like nothing, so little in payment for the possible ruining of one, if not two lives.

"Ah, Mr Potter, I can see that something is troubling you. Do you not believe this is punishment enough?"

"I... no, I don't! He – he should go to Azkaban for life. Or die. Dying would be good. He should die for what he did to Lily."

"Calm down, Mr Potter, calm down. It hasn't yet been said that none of that is going to happen. Alas, I don't think the Ministry punishes rape by the death penalty, but if Miss Evans does decide to press charges, it is very possible that Mr Pettigrew may end up in Azkaban. Maybe not for life, but a few years at the very least.

"Also, James –" James looked up curiously at the use of his first name "– I know it's hard, but don't seek revenge by your own hand. Let the Ministry people deal with it. Miss Evans needs you, and you won't be of much use to her in Azkaban."

James gaped. "Why does everyone think I'm some kind of homicidal maniac?"

"Well, it may have something to do with the murderous gleam in your eyes whenever Mr Pettigrew is mentioned." Dumbledore chuckled.

"I don't – murderous gleam?"

Dumbledore nodded. "Well, Mr Potter, I'm afraid I have to get back to my office now. But I'm sure Miss Evans is waiting for you." Long robe sweeping the floor, the Headmaster exited the Hospital Wing with what James could have sworn was a knowing wink, were it not for the fact that age-old, wrinkly Headmasters didn't wink.

–––––

Lily's head swam. It wasn't quite as bad as the day before – she had managed to stick a handle on the major panic, but her brain was constantly looking for exits, looking for weapons, in case she was jumped again. She was twitchy, starting at the slightest noises, and it bugged her to no end. She didn't want to be ready to attack her Headmaster when he came through the curtains. She didn't want to panic and squirm away when he so much as touched her. And most of all, she didn't want to make her best friend think she didn't trust him, since that would kill him and was also a great big lie. Which is why, as she heard the doors of the infirmary close, marking Dumbledore's exit, she forced herself to calm down, steeling herself for the knowledge that the curtains were about to open – but it was only going to be James, the one person she trusted over everyone else. Even if she did have to keep reminding herself of the fact.

It was as she was thinking all this over that the curtains finally did open, and James's head peeked in, looking around cautiously. She didn't jump, and this made her smile, bigger than she'd smiled all day. "Hey," she said, grimacing at the croak that made her sound like a massive smoker but that really only the result of all the millions of potions Madam Pomfrey had poured down her throat. James was almost instantly at her side with a glass of water poured from the pitcher on her bedside table. "Hey."

She took the water gratefully, drinking it all in one go. James stood by the side of her bed, watching her. She put the glass away, looking curiously at James. "Come on, sit down! I don't bite, you know."

"Really?" he teased, relaxing. "And here I was under the impression that that adorable smile of yours hid some mighty sharp teeth." His hand reached almost automatically for hers, and as they both laughed the awkwardness that had shrouded the first minute or so was gone.

"So, Lils," James said when the laughter died down. "How are you feeling?"

Lily groaned. "Don't ask me that! That's the first thing Dumbledore said when he came in, and Madam Pomfrey pops in to ask every three seconds! Can't I have a single conversation without someone enquiring about my feelings?"

"Uh, let me think about that, no. Because I know you aren't telling them the truth, plus Dumbledore just tricked me into a heart-to-heart with him, so you owe me one."

"Really? So you had a nice chat with Dumbledore about your feelings?" Lily giggled, and James looked at her crossly.

"Shush, Lily. One must remember to worry about oneself once in a while, remember that," he said, putting on a very Dumbledore-y voice and peering at Lily over the top of his glasses in true Dumbledore style.

"But I do!" she protested. "All I've done today is worry about myself. I swear. Madam Pomfrey? She's in here every two freaking minutes! I can't get a moment's peace, which I think is all I need, really. Also, I need to get out of this damn Hospital Wing, and apparently that's not happening until Sunday. Damn."

James held up his hands in surrender. "Fine, fine, I won't care about your feelings! But hey – I will always be here. You can always talk to me. You know that, right?"

"Yes, James, I know." Lily smiled, looking at their clasped hands. "I know. And maybe one day I'll take you up on that. But not today, okay? Not today."

After seventeen years of living with his mother and six and a half of living with Lily, James knew when to stop. So he only said, "Fair enough," and went back to running his thumb across the back of Lily's hand.

They sat like that for a while, neither saying anything, taking comfort in the other's mere presence, until suddenly Lily started. "What time is it?" she asked, looking first in vain for her watch before remembering that it was locked away in a cupboard somewhere, who knows why.

"Er... just gone ten," James replied, peering at his. "Why?"

"Have you had breakfast yet?"

"Nah, I came straight here."

"James! You have to eat something." Lily shook her head as in disbelief.

"I can go down to the kitchens later, it's fine." James shrugged.

"But you have to pack today, you can't spend the whole day in the kitchens."

"Who said it'd take all day?"

"Past experience." And Lily's very pointed look.

"Ah. But it's fine, I can pack tonight. Don't worry, Lils, it'll be fine."

"Remember that you need to pack my stuff too, since that evil nurse isn't releasing me until straight to the train tomorrow." Lily sighed in obvious displeasure at the thought of someone else packing her stuff.

"I can do that tonight as well."

"James, come on, breakfast is the most important meal of the day! You can't just skip it. Seriously. Go! I'll still be here when you get back."

"I'm not going anywhere." James folded his arms across his chest. "I'm staying here, like it or not."

"Fine! But don't expect me to talk to you until you eat something." Lily folded her arms and looked the other way. Checkmate.

They kept it up for almost a minute, until James's stomach made a very loud, very protesting noise. Lily almost laughed, but then turned it into another pointed look. James threw up his hands. "Fine! I'll go eat, but I'll be back. I swear I will."

"Calm, James, calm! I'll be here." And so James resigned himself to leaving Lily alone again, even if it was only for the half-hour or so that it would take him to rush down, eat and rush back up.

–––––

By the time James got down, the Great Hall was almost empty. Sirius, however, was still sitting at the Gryffindor table, half-heartedly reading some old Quidditch magazine, distractedly stroking an owl James recognised as Kenny. He was clearly waiting for someone, and looked up as soon as Kenny hooted in recognition, having seem James. He slid in opposite Sirius and stroked Kenny gently. "Hey, boy, back already?" The owl hooted softly, blinking up at James and offering up its right leg. The writing on the envelope was clearly that of his mother's. "Good boy, Kenny." James offered the owl some bread from a basket on the table, but the owl merely turned up its beak and flew off, presumably to the Owlery. This was when James finally looked up at Sirius.

"So, you're finally acknowledging me?" They both laughed.

"Shush, Sirius, you know Kenny comes first." More laughter.

"Don't worry, I know how you are with that owl. But anyway – how are you?"

James groaned. "What is it, National-Worry-About-James-When-We-Should-Be-Worrying-About-Lily-day? I'm perfectly fine, and I'm not even homicidal any more. Promise. Dumbledore talked me out of it."

"You talked to Dumbly? Today?"

"Yeah, he was visiting Lily when I went there."

"So what'd he say to you, if you're no longer murderous?"

"Oh, you know, the same things you and Lily said, just in a very Headmaster-y tone."

"Screw you," Sirius laughed, but he was relieved that James was no longer itching to kill Peter. "So, you gonna open that letter or what?"

"Mm? Oh! Letter. Yes." He fished out the letter from where it was already buried in owl feathers and other breakfast paraphernalia. Finally opening it, he unfolded the small square of parchment.

_James –_

_my God, I can't believe that happened at Hogwarts. Where was Dumbledore? But never mind, we can talk about that tomorrow._

_Merlin, poor Lily. I'm so glad she isn't alone – you stick by her now, you hear me?_

_Don't you dare leave her alone, James Harold Potter. Of course I'll be at the station. Oh, dear, dear, dear. Stay with her. She'll be safe with us. _

_See you tomorrow,_

_Mum_

His mother's letter, which were normally quite coherent, was flustered and all over the place, telling James clearer than her words ever could just how shaken even she was, never mind that the full effects of it had yet to reach her. And yet, flustered as she was, James was beyond glad that she would be meeting them at the station, because he was convinced that Lily had a real, fully-fledged breakdown was on the way, and he wanted his mother present when it happened. No matter how close he was to Lily, he couldn't handle that by himself. Lily couldn't handle it with only the two of them (three, if you count Sirius, which James didn't, at the moment).

"What'd she say?" Sirius asked, trying to peer upside down at Elizabeth Potter's tiny poet's handwriting and obviously failing.

"She's coming to the station tomorrow. And to not leave Lily alone."

"Mm. By the way, I had this idea – I think we should give her the cloak for the train..."

"The cloak... She'll never agree to that, Padfoot, you know that. She's Lily Evans – she's going to want to walk down to Hogsmeade with her head held high, and if we let her, that's exactly what she'll do."

"Exactly – if we let her. Prongs, come on – you can convince her that wearing the cloak's what's best for her. She'll listen to you, you know that. It might take some time, but she will."

James pretended to think about it for a while, but they both knew Sirius was right. "Ah, fine. I'll go tell her in a minute." But first he wanted to finish eating his breakfast, because no matter what he'd told Lily, he was hungry. Very much so.

_And there we are again. This chapter will forever be known to me as the paper bag chapter, considering I outlined it completely on a white paper bag I bought postcards in._

_I really liked writing Dumbledore, by the way :D it was a challenge._

_Also, you know how there's no law that requires me to update real fast, but I try to do it anyway, cause it makes you all happy? Well, there's no law requiring you to review either, but... you know ;)_

_Alsoo... it's not a cliffhanger this time :P yay!_


	15. Chapter 15

_A/N: I know, I know... it's been ages. I'm sorry? Life has a habit of overwhelming me with things that need to be done._

_Chapter Fifteen_

Lily had decided that she was quite all right, thank you very much. Who was James to say she was fragile, vulnerable? Who was James to tell her she had to wear the Cloak on the train for her own bloody good? She let out a derisive laugh, though there was no one there to hear her, and that laugh turned into a bout of laughter so all-consuming that it was all she could do to sit there on the pathetically small and uncomfortable Hospital Wing bed, shaking and laughing at an empty room. Madam Pomfrey's head appeared around the corner.

"Er, Miss Evans... are you quite all right?" she asked, looking more than slightly concerned for her patient's sanity – and really, who wouldn't be?

"Yes, I – I'm perfectly fine," Lily managed to choke out in between giggles. "Per – perfectly fine." Madam Pomfrey did not look convinced. "If you say so... but if it's all the same to you, I'm going to send for Mr Potter." This just set Lily off again; the young nurse walked back to her office accompanied by the sound of Lily's hysterical laughter.

It was barely two minutes later that James appeared at the Hospital Wing doors, looking worried (as had become the norm for him in the past day or two). He walked straight up to Lily, not even acknowledging Madam Pomfrey, concern shining in his eyes. "Lily! What's – are you all – what are you – what's going on?"

It was like James alone had access to some trigger or the other. As soon as he so much as opened his mouth, the laughter died out and after a second of silence, Lily burst into tears. Long gone were the days when this kind of reaction sent James into a blind panic, and it was quickly that he climbed into bed next to her, unknowingly soothing her with his mere presence. Her sobs died down, and eventually she spoke. "You know what I wish?"

"Hmm?"

"I wish I could just fast-forward a year into the future, when I could feel okay like I feel now and it'd actually be true. I feel okay now, but who knows what I'll be like tomorrow? Who knows what I'll be like in five minutes? Dumbledore might come back, and I'll jump three feet into the air and shy away. I don't want that, James. I want this to be over. I want it to be a year from now, when I can be alone without constantly waiting for someone to jump out of the shadows."

"Oh, Lily," James sighed, cradling her to his chest. "So do I. But we're going to get through this, you and me, yeah?"

Lily smiled. "You and me."

–––––

It's not like Lily was going to admit it to anyone, but the nights were the worst. During the day it was easy to put on her brave face and feel okay and hysterically laugh her head off at nothing at all, but when everyone left and darkness fell and she was all alone in her small and uncomfortable bed – that was when she began to remember the other night, when all the sights and sounds began to replay in her her and it felt like the world was shrinking around her again and she couldn't breathe and what she really, really wanted was for James to be there, just because when James was there everything was just so much better, but she didn't tell him that because to be quite honest, she knew what it meant but didn't want to even think about it. And so she spent the second night in a row dozing off every five minutes and waking up just as frequently, always alert and always waiting for something to be there, staring at her in the dark. It may have been weak and pathetic of her, but really, all that got her through the night was the thought that tomorrow she was getting out of the Hospital Wing, and out of Hogwarts, and it would be only her and James (and Sirius and James's mum, but they didn't really matter as much). Then in the night when it got really bad, she could creep along the corridors to James's room and slip into his bed when he was asleep and just the fact that he was there would make her feel better. It may have been weak and pathetic, but it got her through the night.

–––––

The next morning was surprisingly clear for December, and James was there at the crack of dawn with Lily's favourite jeans and Muggle sweater. Other people may have thought it was weird of her, but Lily wore her Muggle clothes whenever she could, for the simple reason that they were much more comfortable than wizarding robes. Lily hadn't slept well, as was to be expected, but James had prepared for that too with a cup of strong coffee. He was almost bouncing on the spot as Lily sipped slowly, looking like he wanted to grab the bottom of the cup and just tip it so that Lily would have to drink fast. A firm look from Lily, however (or as firm a look as one can give while half-asleep), made him rethink that plan and settle instead for bouncing on the spot once more.

"What are you so excited for, anyway?" Lily asked, finishing her coffee.

"We're going home! Away from here. You need to get away from Hogwarts for a while."

"Yeah, I suppose. Now go away for a minute, will you? I'm not letting you watch me change, no matter how fragile and whatever I am, you hear me?"

"That's my Lily," James laughed and ducked around the corner.

She dragged her clothes on quickly, reluctant to be exposed to the cold air for long, and tied her hair up in a quick knot. Instead of waiting for James to come back, she went out to join him – she'd spent quite enough time in that corner of the Hospital Wing already.

"Do you have the Cloak?" she asked reluctantly – she had agreed to wear it, after all, never mind that she really hated the idea of hiding.

"Yeah." He handed it over and she tucked it under her arm, walking over to Madam Pomfrey.

"I'm leaving now, okay? I'll be fine. Promise. I have James." The nurse looked like the last thing she wanted was for Lily to go off with only James for company, but she nodded anyway. "Have a good Christmas," was all the she said as a way of parting words. "You, too," Lily smiled before throwing the Cloak over her shoulders and walking over to grab James's hand as discreetly as possible.

"Guide me, okay? Just so you don't lose me."

"How could I lose you, Lils?"

"I am invisible, you know."

"Yeah, whatever. I'm still not going to lose you."

"Shut up," Lily said, and they walked out of the Hospital Wing laughing.

They met Sirius at the bottom of the staircase. Most of the eager lower-school kids had already rushed out of the castle and to the carriages, hoping to maybe run to Zonko's before the train left, or simply anxious to get on board and find a good seat – never mind that when the older students came calling, they would quickly give up that seat, as dictated by the unspoken pecking order at Hogwarts. Only a few older students were still milling around the Entrance Hall, waiting for friends or saying goodbye to those who'd elected to stay at the castle during the holidays. This included most of the fifth-years and seventh-years, who wanted to take advantage of the quiet library and get some studying done for the upcoming O.W.L.'s and N.E.W.T.'s. No one paid James and Sirius much attention as they crossed the Hall, keeping a little more distance between themselves as usual – because of course they would keep Lily between them, just in case.

They made it into the courtyard without incident, and had just ushered Lily into one of the last waiting carriages when a cold voice behind them drawled "Well, well, boys. Off to spend the holidays in your little love nest?"

"Piss off, _Bella_," Sirius spat without even turning. There was no need. He would have recognised his _darling_ cousin's voice anywhere, after being subjected to fifteen years of "family occasions" listening to it.

"But, Sirius, we don't quite feel like doing that, do we now, boys?" she simpered in that high tone of hers, and as Sirius finally turned around the group of boys surrounding her mumbled their agreements.

"Is that so?" Sirius challenged, looking Bellatrix Black straight in the eye, something only idiots and he would do. James sent him a questioning look, but he shook his head ever so slightly and James climbed into the carriage after Lily, leaving Sirius alone with his cousin and her henchmen. "Because I don't quite feel like looking at your ugly mug any longer than I have to."

Something hardened in her eyes. "You think you're so brave, don't you? The daring, courageous _Gryffindor_, always ready to defend the weak, but never, it seems –" she paused for just the slightest of moments " – alone."

"Says the one surrounded by three idiots," Sirius shot back lazily. "Look, Bella, as much as I enjoy arguing with you about useless things, I actually have people who care waiting for me. So, if you'll excuse me –" he accidentally-on-purpose shoved her just slightly to the side while entering the carriage, delivering the last half of his sentence half-in, half-out of the door "– I have a train to catch." He ducked fully into the carriage and shut the door, and it jerked forward, leaving Bellatrix standing there looking like the murderous maniac she was.

"Nice one, mate," James remarked as Sirius settled himself on the opposite bench. Lily had taken the Cloak off once the door had closed, and was sitting next to James looking subdued. It seemed Sirius wasn't the only one to catch this, though, as the next thing James said was "You all right there, Lils?"

"Yeah, I'm fine... I just – Bellatrix is a psychopath, Sirius! You shouldn't taunt her. She wouldn't have any qualms about killing you."

"I know," Sirius said, "especially considering as I'm her cousin and all. But don't you worry your pretty little head about me, Lily, you just worry about yourself. You hear me?"

"I hear you," Lily muttered, scowling. "Loud and clear. I also heard Dumbledore, Madam Pomfrey and James's one million and a half times."

"That's the spirit," Sirius laughed.

The train was nowhere near full, and they found an empty carriage easily. As soon as they were all in, James cast about a million protective enchantments on the door as Sirius muttered about overkill and Lily stripped herself of the Cloak once more. Sirius flung himself down on the bench next to the window, and James followed suit on the other side. Lily stood in the middle awkwardly, eyes darting between the free seats, until James uncrossed his arms and lifted one. Without thinking, Lily plunked herself down next to James and somehow managed to end up half-way on his lap. He didn't seem to mind, though, as his arms sneaked around her waist and his chin rested on her head. Within seconds of settling in, she was asleep. Sirius stayed awake long enough to exchange a significant look with James, and then he, too, was snoring away (not that Lily snored. It was more of an adorable little snuffling sound). James didn't move a muscle all day, apart from sporadically brushing Lily's hair out of her eyes when the movement of the train jostled it out of place.

–––––

They were about half an hour away from King's Cross when James woke Lily and Sirius, Lily gently and Sirius with an "Oi, mate, wake your arse up!" They didn't say much in those last minutes – Lily was too nervous and James and Sirius too excited about seeing Mrs Potter.

All too soon, it seemed, the train was slowing down and the station came into view. All of a sudden they at the station, and James was bustling Lily into the Cloak and out of the compartment and off of the train and into the waiting arms of Elizabeth Potter. James hugged her first, then whipped the Cloak off and said "Mum, this is Lily." He might have said something else, too, but whatever it was was lost to Lily as his mum hugged her tighter than she'd ever been hugged before (and this was including James's victory hugs after Gryffindor won Quidditch matches). "Lily, darling, I've heard so much about you!" It was hard to say who was blushing harder, Lily or James. Sirius was laughing quietly, almost doubled up. "I'm James's mum," Mrs Potter continued, "and really, I must insist you call me Liz."

"Okay, Liz," Lily said with as big a smile as she could muster. The Christmas holidays were looking to be as good as could be expected under the circumstances.

_A/N: Well, it's not the longest of chapters, but it'll have to do since _

_A) I'm tired_

_B) my eyes are burning from chlorine irritation because my goggles broke at swimming today_

_C) if I start writing the Potter house (manor, whatever) now I'll be here till dawn, and I promised certain impatient people *coughcough* that I'd have this out tonight ;)_


	16. Chapter 16

_A/N: So I'm on a train. But unlike in _Inception_, I know where the train is taking me – Vaasa, a random city in north-western Finland. Anyway, my point is, I thought they had Wi-Fi on these trains but it turns out they don't... Then I tried to use my phone as a modem, but that didn't really work either. Which, you know, means writing time._

_Chapter 16_

Potter house was nowhere near a house. Calling Potter house a house was almost like calling Napoleon slightly below average height, or saying that Buckingham Palace has quite a few windows. _Merlin_, Lily thought as they appeared in the driveway, _James lives in a freaking mansion_. James and Elizabeth started towards the door, but Lily stayed rooted to the spot, unable to stop gawking at the quite honestly gigantic building in front of her.

A few meters from the door, James turned back to see Lily still standing in the spot they had Apparated to. "Er... Lily?" he asked cautiously. "Everything all right?"

"Huh?" Lily said, shaking her head quite like a dog. "What? Oh, yeah, I'm fine. It's all good. Just... your house is goddamn huge."

"Oh... right." James replied with a nervous laugh, his hand going automatically to his hair. Had Lily been watching closely, she would have seen a slight blush tinge his cheeks. Come to think of it, she would probably have thought it set off his eyes in a rather wonderful way. "Um... it's been in the family for ages, I think? I mean, my dad keeps going on about how his dad's dad's dad played hide and seek in the basement... I don't know."

Lily laughed. "Hey, don't worry, I'm not judging you. I'm just saying, wow."

"It does have its advantages," James said with a glint in his eye. "Want the grand tour, m'dear?" He held out his arm.

"Why, that would be lovely," 'Lily replied, grabbing his arm and smiling bigger than James had seen her smile since Friday.

–––––

The 'grand tour', as James called it, took them around the first two floors, which were full of assorted guest rooms, studies and libraries, and of course the wing where Elizabeth and Harold Potter lived. When they had gone around all that, Lily turned to James with a quizzical expression. "But where –"

"Do I sleep?" James asked.

"Well... yeah. All I've seen so far is spare rooms and libraries, pretty much."

"Ah, that's cause you haven't seen the best part yet," James said, grinning.

"It gets better? As in, seriously?"

"Seriously."

"I think you'd better show me this best part before you talk it up so much it ends up letting itself down, you know."

"Er... what was that, Lils?"

"Never mind," she said with a laugh. "Let's just go, okay?"

"Works for me," James winked. And so they were off.

The "best part" turned out to be below the rest of the house, in what used to be the cellar until James's father "Decided that I need my own place to run around or I'll drive the whole household crazy," as James explained it. James had the entire floor to himself, although most of it consisted of a single living-room-type area which was clearly modelled on the Gryffindor Common Room at Hogwarts. Lily turned to James with laughter in her eyes. "Seriously, James? You have this whole huge room and you make it look like the Gryffindor Common Room?"

"Hey, I happen to like the Gryffindor Common Room," James protested. "What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing," Lily said with a small smile. "It's just typically you." And then she wrapped her arms around him to give him a quick hug, quite possibly shocking herself more than him.

–––––

James had given Lily the spare room right next to his, but when she woke in the middle of the night, panting after yet another nightmare, the knowledge that he was in the next room was nowhere near enough. It was times like these that she had to admit that sometimes, very rarely, actual human contact was needed. And so she stumbled out of bed, wrapped herself in her blanket and shuffled to the door and down the hall.

Knocking on James's door took effort, tired as she was, but she managed it eventually. He came to open it immediately, rubbing sleep out if his eyes. "What's wrong?" he asked, and Lily's small form huddled in her overly large blanket just about broke his heart for the Merlin-knows-how-manyeth time.

"I had a nightmare," she whispered, her voice cracking from lack of use. "I don't want to sleep alone, James." If his heart was just about broken before, those words did it. Silently, he folded her in his arms, smoothing her hair with one hand. "It's okay, Lils, it's okay," he told her. "I'm here. It's okay."

They both knew it was in no way okay, but they let themselves believe it, if just for the night. In the morning things would be crap again, and they would put on their brave faces and tell the world they were fine, but inside they were both broken, and only time could heal them. It was crazy, really, how Lily's rape had affected the both of them, but perhaps it was one of those things that just had to be acknowledged; now, more than ever, Lily and James were more of a single entity than anything else. Hurt Lily, and you hurt James, if only because James didn't know how else to react. What else was he going to do? All he knew was that he'd never felt about anyone the way he felt about Lily now, and it was doubtful he ever would again. Somehow, almost without him noticing, she had gone from a schoolboy crush to his first priority, and truthfully, that scared the hell out of him.

–––––

Waking up next to James freaked Lily out a lot less than it should have, really. She didn't even freak out properly – it was more of a 'what am I doing here... oh, right', turning over and falling back asleep thing. Even when she woke up for a second time, all she did was poke the still-sleeping James in the stomach.

"Hey, James, it's morning now." Poke, poke. "James! I'm hungry." Poke. No reaction. "James, come on!" Still nothing. "Fine, I'm just going to find my way to the kitchen alone," she said, even though she knew he couldn't hear her. She considered going back to her room to get dressed, but decided against it when she realised the amount of effort it would take. Mentally, she scolded herself for her laziness, while nevertheless wrapping herself back in her blanket and beginning the long, confusing walk to the kitchen.

_A/N: I know, James having a huge house is cliché. Guess what? I happen to like clichés. And I was only in the train I mentioned at the top for the first two paragraphs or so... _

_Also, I don't like the beginning of this chapter. It's annoying. Come to think of it, I don't really like this chapter at all. Maybe that's why it's so short._

_I AM ASHAMED. HONESTLY. THIS CHAPTER IS UTTER CRAP. But I promised to write it by today :3 Just rest assured that I shall be trying my level best to write a better one before November, since November is NaNoWriMo and since I'm doing original fiction for that this year I won't be updating this at all._


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N:**Hey! It's me... does anyone even remember me any more? It's been hideously long, as always, but this time I have an excuse (which, to be honest, is what I always say...) – NaNoWriMo, that is. I wrote an original fiction this year (well, started it) and managed to achieve my 25k words, even with school and stuff, a feat that I'm relatively proud of. Well, that explains November – but the brighter bulbs in this massive chandelier of fanfiction people will have noticed that it's the end of December. (At this moment it's 0:37 AM on the morning of December 29th, and I just decided that I want to write this chapter now. As in, now.)The only excuse I have for December is that I left my NaNoWriMo somewhat last-minute and ended up writing half of it in the last week or less, so I sort of ignored writing in general for most of December. And now I'm back.

/longexplanationover.

**Chapter 17**

Lily padded down the corridor in her bare feet, her blanket trailing on the ground. She thought she remembered the way to the kitchen herself, but as it was it didn't really matter – she had barely rounded the first corner when a house elf appeared with a crack.

"Where are you going, Miss Lily? If you're lost, Miss, Binks would be glad to take you somewhere, yes he would, Miss."

"Thanks, Binks," Lily smiled. "Can you take me to the kitchen? I'm getting kind of hungry."

"Of course Binks can, Miss Lily, come along, come along."

It turns out that Lily wouldn't have been able to find the kitchen alone after all, or would at least have taken the very long way. Binks led her through a corridor or two and around a few corners, and suddenly they were there. "Thanks, Binks," Lily said again. Binks gave a small bow and Disapparated.

Elizabeth Potter was sitting at the kitchen table, reading the Daily Prophet and sipping a cup of coffee. She looked up as Lily entered. "Oh, Lily dear, good morning. Do sit down... would you like breakfast? Some tea? Coffee?"

"Coffee would be wonderful, thanks," Lily replied as she sat down. She prodded the Prophet carefully, almost afraid of what the headline would be. Elizabeth turned, presumably to enquire about how she took her coffee, and saw Lily looking at the newspaper with a distateful expression.

"I know, I know... The Prophet has really gone downhill," she said ruefully. "It used to be a real quality newspaper... I used to write for it, in fact. Of course, I got kicked out a while ago – can't even remember the reason they gave me, but I know it's because of the way I wrote about Voldemort in my columns. They were so afraid of Death Eaters coming to knock down their door that they kicked everyone with an actual backbone, and this is the result. I just can't make myself stop reading it, for some reason... oh, well, this way I'll know my enemy, that's for sure." During this explanation, she'd poured Lily a cup of coffee – strong and black, no milk no sugar. Lily didn't particularly care how Elizabeth knew what kind of coffee she drank, because coffee was coffee. You didn't argue with coffee. Elizabeth set a plate with some toast on it in front of Lily and sat down across from her.

"So. How are you doing?"

"Are you going to ask me that, too?" Lily winced.

"I believe I just did... Lily, you need to talk about it. It's not just going to disappear if you ignore it. I know how wonderful that would be – trust me, I know – but you have to deal with it. You have to talk about it with someone before it eats you away from the inside."

"I talk," Lily muttered. "I've talked to James."

"Have you?" Elizabeth asked. "Have you talked to him about everything? Can you talk to him about everything?"

"Yes," Lily said adamantly, until the memory of their kiss on the night of the Winter Ball played in her head, unbidden. "I mean... I think so..."

"Exactly. James is a wonderful person – I'm not just saying that, either – but there are things you can't talk to him about, correct?"

And just like that, Lily was ready to spill all of her feelings about James to none less than his mother. If asked, she wouldn't have hesitated to pin it all on her severely confused and slightly disturbed mental state, but the simple truth of the matter was that she'd just been bottling it all up for a month now and what she really needed to do was let it out. So she did.

"The thing is," she started, "James kissed me about a month ago. And then I kissed him, and anyway... But we were drunk, and I don't know if it meant anything, and I've been thinking, and I realised I really wish it did mean something, but he hasn't tried it since, and he never brought it up, and he's acting like he's my big brother or something and I just..."

"You just wish you knew," Elizabeth finished for her.

"Exactly," Lily said, turning to the older woman with a grateful smile. "I just wish I knew, because at the moment it feels like the only thing I know is my own name, and even that is subject to change..."

"Well, as for James – I know he cares about you, Lily. It's blindingly obvious in everything he does, from the way he holds himself when you're around to the way he can't stop checking to see if you're okay. I wager that boy would take a curse for you, honey, and that's not something I say lightly."

Lily smiled.

"And now, honey, for the other part. Do you want to talk about what happened on Friday?" Elizabeth asked, firmly but not unkindly.

"Not really... I mean, it was just so bizarre! I was doing homework, and suddenly the door opens. I mean, I didn't open it, it just opened on its own. And behind the door was Peter... I told him that James was at practice, because of course I assumed that he was looking for James, but then he just looked at me with this really creepy expression... You know, he didn't even need to immobilise me, or anything. I just stood there, shocked, and he walked towards me and then... I knew what he was going to do – how could I not? – but I never moved a muscle. I don't think I could have. And then... when James and Sirius came through the door – I wanted to let them help me, I really did, but all I could do was back away and hide, until James said something, I don't even remember what, and all I could think was that I never wanted to let go of him. And then it gets really blurry, and the next thing I remember is ranting at Sirius."

She said all of this with hardly any emotion. It looked like Elizabeth was about to say something, but then James entered the kitchen. He went straight to Lily. "Morning, Lils, how are you?"

"I'm fine, James, really," Lily insisted, but allowed herself to be hugged anyway by the still sleepy-looking James. His mother raised an eyebrow, and Lily shared her sentiment – since when had James hugged her whenever he saw her? – but no one said anything. Lily didn't mind, to be honest. She quite liked being hugged by James.

What she would have liked even more was if she had been able to know that James was hugging her merely for the sake of hugging her, and not because she was a fragile human being who had to be reminded that not all men were pigs. Of course, Lily didn't know if either of these were true, but she would not really have minded knowing. For better or for worse.

"All right, Lils..." James said, jerking Lily out of her musings. "How would you feel about playing some Quidditch today?"

"Why?" Lily said, asking the first thing that came to her mind.

"Honest answer?"

"Always."

"To take your mind off things. To distract you. To make you have fun again."

"I appreciate the effort, James, really, but..."

"But what? Don't tell me you can't fly, I've seen you on the pitch when you think no one's watching. You're good."

"I... oh. Thanks. But I don't have a broom or anything..."

"Lily, darling, I'm James Potter. I have an extra broom for you, don't you worry your pretty little head."

"Oh, fine then."

–––––

An hour later, they were flying across the meadow some distance from the Potter house, James like he'd been doing it all his life (which he had) and Lily like she was greeting an old friend, hesitant at first but getting surer by the minute. She hadn't been flying much since March, but flying was like riding a bike – you learn it once, you know it always. They flew in comfortable silence for a while, going further and further from the house, until they reached an orchard full of apple trees. Suddenly, James turned around. "Lily, catch!" he yelled, tossing an apple at her. Not thinking, she reached out and caught it as it sailed past her head.

"_Nice_," James said appreciatively, flying closer. "How would you like to be on the Quidditch team? I've been looking for a reason to kick Pritchard off, he's an insolent little bugger."

"James! And no thanks. School work is quite enough to deal with without your crazy Quidditch practices to deal with. And don't give me that look – I know they're crazy, I listen to Sirius complain often enough."

"Yes, well, Sirius always did have authority issues. He's just jealous I got Captain."

"Mhmm, sure... speaking of Sirius, where is he? I would have thought he would have wanted to come with us..."

"He's probably still sleeping, that lazy git," James said, laughing. "And anyway, I asked him not to come today. I wanted to spend some time with you."

Lily blushed. "Because you don't do enough of that at school..."

"Yeah, well, that's school. This is different, you know? This is nature. Where at school can we lie in a field of snow and look at apples?"

"Um, James, we're not lying anywhere... and I've been meaning to ask about the apples – it's midwinter, after all..."

"It's a magical orchard, the guy who owns it did some magic thingy to make them grow year-round. Now come on! We have some snow to lie in."

"Some magic thingy," Lily snorted. "Honestly, and you're Head Boy?"

Under different circumstances, James would have protested that statement, but as it was he was just glad to hear some of the old Lily coming back. "Come oooooon," was all he said, dragging out the _on_ as he grabbed Lily's hand and started dragging her, broom and all, to the middle of the orchard.

"Er, James... are you seriously suggesting we lie down in that... cold, wet stuff?" Lily asked as they reached the clearing they'd been aiming for, obviously full of snow.

"Well, not exactly," James admitted. "See, I was thinking more like..." he conjured a tarpaulin, and then a picnic blanket on top of that.

"James, why are you doing this?" Lily asked.

"Because I want to lie in the snow with you. Got a problem?"

"Well, when you put it like that... not really."

"Good," James said, grabbing Lily's arm and pulling her down with him. "Cause you never really had a choice."

James settled down on the blanket, and Lily, not really having a choice, burrowed deeper into the space between James and his arm. Of course she would have had another option, but telling herself it was the only choice made it easier not to think about exactly what their current position was implying.

They lay there in silence for a while, until Lily spoke up. "James... did you actually have a plan other than this, or were you just planning on lying in the snow?"

"Well, there was this one thing..." he said, twisting his head to face Lily. With the hand not holding her to his side, he tilted her chin up, and she held her breath as he stared into her eyes. He kept his eyes open as he kissed her, and she never broke eye contact.

**A/N:** So, yeah... it's 22:05 on the 29th of December, my I WILL WRITE THIS THING NOW plan didn't work out quite as well as it was supposed to...

But anyway! Yay for cuteness and fluff and emotions and the massive confusion that's going to follow! I'll deal with that later on... in the mean time, I started writing a drabble collection called A Day In The Life yesterday, you should go check it out if you want :3 and I'm going to be trying to write a lot of the plot bunnies I've had in my head forever during the Christmas vacation, so keep your eyes open.

Happy New Year's! (which is in two days...)


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N:** *hides* I am truly, deeply sorry for my hideous absence. Honestly, I ran out of excuses around ten chapters ago, I think, and now I'm just shooting my mouth off whenever I turn up to crap out a chapter (because that is what I'm doing).

In case someone is interested, I am in fact killing myself with NaNoWriMo again this year, if in a slightly unconventional manner... that is to say, I'm cheating my ass off. Not only am I writing two novels simultaneously, my last year's nano and a new one, everything else I write in November is also going towards my word count goal of – gasp – 30,000 words. That's 5,000 more than last year, but also 20,000 less than those not doing YWP, as those of my friends aiming towards 50,000 like to remind me. Oh, well.

I suppose maybe to make up for stuff I should mention stuff that happened while I was not writing – well, rather, not writing this, I was writing other stuff every now and then (check it out? #casualself-plug) – just to give you a feeling that I wasn't completely wasting my time... okay, the only constructive thing I did was start dating my boyfriend. Like, um, five and a half months ago (pretty much exactly even). Oh, and I started real IB instead of just being a lowly pre-IB. But that would be it... yep, okay, I'm amazing at procrastinating. I'll just move on to the chapter, shall I?

Ooooh and one more thing before I do: a MASSIVE thank you goes out to anyone and everyone who's actually stuck with _Healing _since the first chapters, to those of you who have kept reading and reviewing even when it takes me almost a year to update, and especially to those supermegafoxyawesomehot people who nag at me occasionally to write more. I couldn't do it without you. (Totally just saved supermegafoxyawesomehot into my personal dictionary).

**Chapter 18**

"I'm sorry," James said, still holding Lily's chin. "Was that weird? Should I not –"

"No," Lily said, smiling at James. "It's okay."

"Good," James said, stroking Lily's cheek. "I've been wanting to do that since November." Lily still smiled and snuggled into James some more. "It's okay," she repeated.

"Mm," James replied, holding Lily close. "Listen," he said after some time, "I'm going to tell you something, Lils, just don't freak out on me, okay?"

"Mhmm," she agreed. "I can try – no promises." James's heart warmed at the Lily who was more and more resembling the Lily he had known before last week.

"I love you, Lily," James said. "That's all."

Hundreds of reactions flashed through Lily's mind, but in the end she picked the first one and ran with it, squeezing James tighter and saying "okay" as if confessions of love were totally commonplace in her world.

"So..." James said.

"Don't," Lily said. "Don't talk. Just... Don't, for a minute, okay?"

"Yeah, okay. I can do that."

And so they lay there for what seemed like hours more, but what was probably only ten minutes before the cold of the snow underneath them began to seep through the tarpaulin and taunt the pair lying entwined in the orchard.

"Should we go inside?" James finally asked.

"Yeah, I suppose we have to," Lily said mournfully. She didn't want the moment to end, but all good things had to come to an end ere long, as her mother had used to say.

They flew back to Potter manor slowly, taking the time to enjoy the scenery and the cold that, while seeping through tarpaulin, had been unpleasant, turned refreshing as it was manifested as wind blowing in their faces. Once they had dismounted their brooms and stowed them away, James took Lily's hand as they walked towards the house. "Is – is this okay?" he asked somewhat nervously.

Lily laughed. "Yes, James, it's okay. Calm down, all right?" she squeezed his hand. "You're doing fine. I'm not going to run away."

"All right," James said and squeezed back.

They walked into the kitchen hand in hand. Elizabeth Potter looked up, noticed their hands, and looked down again, deciding not to make a spectacle. "You look healthy," she said instead, "with your red cheeks and all. Hungry?"

"Starving," James said promptly, and Lily laughed.

"Aren't you always hungry?" she teased.

"No, I'm fine for an hour or so after meals," he assured her. "But it's been at least two now, yeah?"

Lily looked at Elizabeth and rolled her eyes, and Elizabeth laughed. "Boys will be boys, I suppose... Shall I call for Binks, then?"

"It's okay, mum, I can fix my own food. Binks can take a moment for himself for once." James detached himself from Lily and started looking through cupboards, settling on a loaf of bread and some jam. His conviction to fix his own food didn't extend to cutting the bread the Muggle way, however, and he elected instead to pull out his wand and wave it a few times – resulting in an uneven slice of bread covered in less jam than was on the kitchen table and the surrounding cupboard doors.

"Honestly, and you're Head Boy?" Lily said with a snort for the second time that day.

James looked at her and stuck his bottom lip out. "That's not nice, Lils," he said sadly. "Not nice at all. You made me feel sad now."

He turned to face the mess he'd made on the cupboards and began to vanish it. Lily walked over to him and put her arms around him from behind, resting her cheek against his back. "It's okay, James," she mumbled into his back. "You're a good Head Boy, really."

"Really?" he asked, turning so he could put his arms around Lily.

"Yes, really," Lily replied with a laugh. "I'd much rather have you than the Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw prefects, they're boring. You're much more fun to do rounds with. And I just can't imagine a Slytherin Head Boy in these times..." she pretended to think. "Although you know, Remus might have been fun, too..."

"Oi!" James protested.

"Kidding," Lily grinned. "Much rather have you."

"Okay," James said happily.

Still at the kitchen table with her newspaper and coffee cup, Elizabeth Potter smiled to herself.

––

Lily and James spent the rest of their holiday doing nothing, occasionally just the two of them, occasionally with Sirius and Remus whenever they popped in from Remus's, where they were spending the holiday. By the time the first day of term was around the corner, Lily was capable of spending nights on her own – even if she did often decide to sleep with James instead.

Lily slept next to James, but that was all there was to it. All that had changed after James's confession was that the two behaved with a lot more familiarity than they had before; there was more touching, more hand-holding, and even a few kisses. And yet, had they been asked, they would still have denied being 'dating'. As it was, no one had asked... but school was too close for comfort, now, and both began to anticipate the difficult questions in the days to come.

James had something else to anticipate, as well – though Lily had been doing extraordinarily well so far, hardly jumping at anything and only having nightmares roughly once a week, James knew it would get worse once they returned to Hogwarts, and the memories came back from the sight of the Common Room. He had even written to Dumbledore about it, one night when Lily was asleep, but already during the writing of his letter he had realised there was nothing the Headmaster could really have done. Dumbledore had offered to let Lily and, by extension, James, take a few more weeks off, but James had known Lily would not even have considered it, what with N.E.W.T.'s coming up that year and everything. So he replied to Dumbledore saying thanks but no thanks, but that hopefully the Headmaster realised that Lily would need some special care for the remainder of the year, and that he volunteered himself for the task. Dumbledore had no longer replied, but based on his knowledge of the old man, James imagined he agreed.

All that remained, therefore, was to return to school and to confront the scene of the source of all the terror.

**A/N:** Yes, it's somewhat filler. Yes, it's very fluff ^^ yes, it's kind of pointless. But, hey – yes, it exists!

I realised at one point that Sirius disappeared after Kings Cross... BAM, he's at Remus's now.

Next chapter, whenever the hell I manage to crap it out, will be returning to school and all the fun things that go with that! Yay! I mean... um. Okay. Yep.

The review button is looking startlingly alluring today, don't you agree?


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